HARM STORY: “RAPED, MOLESTED AND ABUSED — AGAIN AND AGAIN” — Emmanuelle L. (15 year old Autistic girl from England had child porn made of her and was raped and molested multiple times)
Today we’re starting a new tradition! Personal Harm Story Mondays. Here’s the most recent story of over 100 that have been collected so far by our organization, through submissions to us at our website and via our social networks:
RAPED, MOLESTED AND ABUSED — AGAIN AND AGAIN
- by Emmanuelle L. (female, 15, England, found AntiPornography.org via our Tumblr)
At two I was already reading. I found pornographic magazines while on a playdate at a friend’s house and never went back. The women looked empty, wrong, inhuman, splayed beneath bright headlines and bad words, and of course it frightened me. I remember it very clearly.
Growing up autistic, I had trouble knowing what was appropriate and what was not. At four, I was molested by the adopted daughter of one of my mother’s friends, whom I do not blame; she had severe learning difficulties and was abused herself by her biological family. She later went on to molest my youngest brother, then an infant.
At five, a family friend of around thirty years old set his sights on me; thus followed a long year of almost-daily rape and shocking verbal abuse. He coerced me into watching hardcore pornography with him, and would often act out on my body what was being played on the screen.
I became even more withdrawn than I naturally was, and started self-harming – banging my head against walls, drinking bottles of pain medication. My parents discovered what was happening around the end of that year (2002), and banned him from contacting us ever again, but they did not bring about legal action.
This obviously made my behavioral problems worse. I had a respite of three years before I started puberty at eight, which was also when my eating disorder began; I was molested by a male gynecologist at nine, tried to kill myself, and shortly after this began to menstruate, which exacerbated the bullying I already suffered at school for being “odd” (read: autistic). I was something of a frequent pornography user at this age, but strangely enough never masturbated to it or became aroused by it.
At eleven, in secondary school, my shirts were often pulled up or yanked down, the buttons frequently broken, so the boys could take photographs of me on their camera phones and trade them amongst themselves with captions like “big tit slut” and “bombshell “. I was bullied by the other girls, vicious and intelligent young women, because of this attention, and because of my self-harm habit. At twelve, my eating disorder was getting worse and worse, and I ended up trying to kill myself for the second time; in the hospital, on sedatives, I was groped by the young man in the bed next to mine.
At thirteen, I discovered child pornography on what is known among internet users as the “deep web”, only accessible with certain software. I found (and still find) it to be absolutely disgusting, but felt an urge to explore this seedy underbelly further. As the pornography I saw became more extreme, I felt worse and worse until, unbelievably, I came across footage of myself at five. After this, I never viewed child pornography again; the non-sexual need to explore it was sated.
At fourteen I was 5’9″ and 71 pounds. While I am currently in recovery from my eating disorder, I have thirty percent kidney function and have had to have part of my esophagus removed. I have extensive bodily scarring and suffer from schizophrenia, depression and borderline personality disorder.
I have a wonderful and vehemently anti-porn boyfriend and good friends, but it is not over.
Yesterday, (it is the 2nd of March, 2013), I was raped on a night out, the first since my nervous breakdown at the end of last year. This has prompted me to submit my story of abuse here, and to show everyone how awful pornography can be, and is.
– This is just one of numerous personal stories that have been shared with us that painfully demonstrate the truly devastating harms of pornography and sexual abuse. So feel free to refer people who say porn is “harmless” to all of these stories at the link below, and to read more of them yourself. Also please don’t forget to like, comment on, and share this story to spread the word about the harms of pornography and to support the cause. Thanks!
NOTE: If YOU have a personal harm story that you’d like to share, concerning pornography, prostitution, or any form of sexual abuse or exploitation, (it can be shared ANONYMOUSLY), please feel free to submit it to us via the form at the below link, for it to be posted on our site and shared here and elsewhere. Thank you!
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