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Monday, July 16, 2007

Jenna Jameson's 25 Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want to Become a Porn Star

INTRODUCTION: Jenna Jameson, the world’s most famous and successful “porn star”, is one of the best anti-pornography spokespeople there are. (Whether that is her intention sometimes or not. Hopefully it is.) Just read below to see why. Thank you, Jenna. You say it all so well! :^) (But very graphically, so proceed accordingly please.)

From a CNN interview August 27, 2004

ANDERSON COOPER: And if your daughter one day said to you, if you had a daughter, if she came to you and said that she wanted to get into that industry?

JAMESON: I’d tie her in the closet. Only because this is such a hard industry for a woman to get ahead and get the respect that she deserves. I fought tooth and nail to get to where I am, and it’s not something that I would want my daughter to go through. It’s not something that any parent would choose for their child.

COOPER: So you would advise young women not to get involved in the industry?

JAMESON: Not unless they had their head on completely straight and they knew that this is what they wanted to do. For my child, hey, I want them to go to college and be a doctor.


“ The job of a porn star is not a calling – or even an option – for most women.” Jenna Jameson (pg. 325.)

All quotes in this compilation (except for the CNN one at top) are taken from the autobiography “How To Make Love Like A Porn Star, A Cautionary Tale, by Jenna Jameson (with Neil Strauss), Hardcover edition. Copyright 2004. (Highly recommended for anti-pornography activists! :^) It is indeed a very cautionary tale.)

In the introduction to the book Jenna says: “For two decades I looked men in the eye and denied everything. And then for years, in private, I wrestled with myself. The truth won. The following, then, is a true story.” (A story that includes having been raped three times as a teenager: 1. By her date when she was fifteen and lost her virginity, (pgs. 284-286), 2. By her abusive boyfriend’s uncle, (pgs. 16-17), and 3 .By a group of high school boys, who severely beat her and then left her for dead. (Pg. 391-394.))

Jenna Jameson’s Twenty-Five Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want to Become a Porn Star:

1. Being a pornography performer can be bad for your emotional, mental, and physical health, and you will likely get sick at times as a result of your work.

“And so it began. I woke up at five every morning and got to the studio by seven for makeup. If I weren’t so young, my face would have looked like hell after all the sleep deprivation…. Suze, I soon realized is also a shark. Her specialty is naïve young girls - much like myself… Once she sank her teeth into me, she didn’t let go. She shot me until I was half dead.” (Pg. 105)

“For the girls who get penetrated in every hole in their first film, it’s physical and mental overload.” (Pg. 146.)

“Though every performer is required to have comprehensive monthly testing for sexually transmitted diseases, STDs are still a valid concern…. You never know what kind of lifestyle people are leading off the set.” (Pg. 326-328.)

“And before you even get into it, realize that it’s not that easy to have sex with strangers in front of other people. When you’re having sex, you’re at your most vulnerable. Only a handful of women look good fucking: everyone has a little cheese here and there. At the very least, most girls have to battle eating disorders at some point from seeing themselves jiggling naked on camera so much. And, speaking of exposure, every time you’re on set you’re swapping fluids with someone, so your body is constantly fighting colds and flus. You get sick. You get run down.” (Pg. 329)

“A week into shooting, I did a scene with Kylie Ireland, Felicia, and Vince Voyeur. That night, when I returned from work, I had a sore throat…. By the end of the movie, my throat was so swollen it hurt to swallow and I was so weak I could barely hold a conversation. When I returned home, I looked in the mirror and there were huge white lumps all over my throat…The doctor who finally saw me was a hack. “Okay, you have strep throat.’”.(Pgs. 360-361)

“…he said a woman in the industry had contracted HIV… Before this announcement, no one in the industry to any of our knowledge had contracted the HIV virus before. And condoms were rarely used in films that that time. We canceled shooting that day because no one could work. The next day, Steve told us that it had been a false positive. Everyone was relieved, but at the same time, we had all changed: we were now aware that something like this could happen.” (Pg. 377)

“Joy had booked interviews and photo ops for me every ten minutes. And I was excited to do all that work. I was willing to do anything to be someone who everyone loved. Looking back on it, it was just a new type of insecurity replacing the old one, and I was giving myself away to the needs and expectations of the public instead of the needs and expectations of the men in my life. It was just a new form of dependence developing. And it was equally detrimental to any sort of emotional stability.” (Pg. 401)

“I had become the main attraction in this whole circus, and it was taking a much bigger toll on my life than I realized.” (Pg. 415)

“Travel is a major staple of my life. It seems it’s all I do. I’m not sure the effect it’s having on me. I guess I haven’t taken the time to reflect. Obviously that’s on of the major problems. Reflection. I close myself off. Not wanting to let what’s in the mirror of my life stare back at me. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Maybe it’s because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. It’s what I’ve been taught. Be strong little one… Things can only get better. As life goes racing by me, all the while my soul goes on with sickness. Yes, sickness. It feels like it’s ailing. Because the one that should be nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. I’m certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong… I almost laughed aloud when I turned my head down to wipe my tears on my shirt and saw the pen I was pouring my pain through. It’s a Radisson Hotel pen. Point taken.” (Pg. 418)

“Sometimes everything seems so surreal. Nikki used to call me her ‘Gypsy.’ I always laughed when she said that, because I know it’s not only from all my travels. My heart is a gypsy – continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don’t really know what the urgency is I feel: Loneliness or complete heartbreak? But I fight it, saying it can’t be broken. I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it’s about. - Confusion. - ” (Pg. 419)

“There are times when I wish the industry had a union, because the shooting schedules are inhumane. It generally takes a good three weeks to shoot even the crappiest independent film; we do it in one to six days.” (Pg. 454)

“By 2 A.M. on day three, I was exhausted. I had been in every scene, and still had two sex scenes left to film, which meant at least five hours of work to go.” (Pg. 453)


Please click on “Read More!” below to read the other twenty-four good reasons Jenna Jameson has written regarding why no one would ever want to become a porn star. :^) (Long and definitely not light reading - but truly fascinating and extremely informative!)


2.In order to really succeed, you will likely have to get painful breast implants.

“One of the most frustrating things about the film work was that the producers never wanted to put me on box covers. They all said my breasts were too small. My boobs were certainly big enough for all the men who stared at them every time I left the house. But they weren’t big enough by porn standards. Just like at the Crazy Horse (strip club), the girls with the monster silicone got all the attention.” (Pg. 160)

“All those customers and box covers lost to girls with bigger, faker breasts had built a deep insecurity.” (Pg. 169)

“I had done so many photo sessions in the past year that I was literally being shot out of the business. I needed to do something to get more jobs, otherwise I’d lose the only source of income left to me. (Pg. 170)

“Mine (breast implants) didn’t turn out so well…. With an implant that big underneath my muscle, it felt like fucking Barnum and Bailey’s Circus was sitting on my chest. I cried when I looked in the mirror afterward: they seemed way too big for my frame. I drank a little to kill the pain…” (Pg. 170)

“I didn’t realize until years later how stupid I was to get them. (Breast implants.) Drugs tend to impair your judgment…” (Pg. 171)

3. You will likely have to have sex with other people you find repellent.

“While I was waiting for my first sex scene, my co-star, a gentleman I had never met before named Arnold Biltmore, sat next to me. He had a soft, pasty body; a porous, greasy complexion; and a kindergarten haircut, parted in the middle and combed to either side. Nothing about Arnold Biltmore turned me on. And in ten minutes I was supposed to have sex with him. When our scene started, he tried to kiss me. I turned my head away from the camera, so that no one could see me grimace…. As my head kept bumping into his stomach while I gave him head, all I could think was, ‘What the hell am I doing here? This is disgusting.’ A bead of sweat on Arnold’s forehead…swelled and grew until it turned into a bubble, and then slowly pried itself free of his forehead…. When it smacked me between the eye, it flipped a switch in my head. ‘I’m done,’ I though. ‘I can’t do this anymore.’” (pg. 161-162.)

“Other male actors were creepy, and looked at me as if they wanted me to be their wife afterwards; or they had erection problems and, even worse, hygiene problems.” (Pg. 376)

Jenna to “one of porn’s leading men: “So do guys in the industry become freaks?” Reply: “That’s actually true in a way. Every guy in the industry has one fetish or passion that keeps him going. You have to realize these guys are working with a girl who’s beautiful one day, and then the next day they’re with a girl that they wouldn’t normally want to touch, let alone fuck. So they have to go somewhere in their head to keep themselves interested and aroused.” (P. 387)

4. Being a pornography performer can often be physically painful.

“It was such a challenge to look sexy and relaxed while manipulating my body into the various uncomfortable contortions…Even for… the simplest pose, like looking over my shoulder with my back to the camera, I had to arch so hard that my lower back cramped. When I see those photos now, it seems obvious that the sexy pout I thought I was giving the camera was just a poorly disguised grimace of pain.” (Pg. 94)

“ To keep all of my body in focus and in the light, I had to bend and contort into all sorts of unnatural positions that were supposed to look effortless… But this time I had to hold the positions much longer and wait for them to meter the light, take a Polaroid, and check the light again before they even started shooting. I was so out of shape from my unhealthy lifestyle that my knees would suddenly start knocking during a pose or my lower back would spasm when I arched it for too long…. I really wanted to please Suze, so I was willing to hold my knees over my head for twenty minutes straight, until my spine felt like it was going to snap.” (Pgs. 101-102)

“He (T.T. Boy) raced through the foreplay – a little kissing a little oral sex – then all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard that it took every ounce of control I had to stay focused and in the moment…. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot straight into my mouth. I wasn’t expecting him to pop so soon.
‘Is that all?’ I asked.
‘No,’ he said. He grabbed my hips and helped me just over his lap and started slamming me into his dick. I was in decent shape cardio-wise, but he moved with such force and speed that I was winded. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. And then, finally, he popped – again.
‘Is that all?’ I asked.
‘No', he grunted.
And he put it right back inside. The guy was a machine. There was no lull. His focus never dimmed. His intensity never wavered. He’d throw me into position after position, and would come in each one. I was in shock. I’d never been fucked like this in my life.
I couldn’t wait for him to finish. I was starting to get sore. Finally, after four pop shots, he said, ‘Hold on. I have to go eat something.’
‘Are we done?’ I dared to ask.
‘Not by a long shot,’ he said.
I didn’t think I could take anymore, but I kept my mouth shut. I was curious to see what he was up to now. He walked off, devoured three cans of tuna, and was back with a raging hard-on still pulsating in the air. Within minutes, he was pounding me over and over, in every position I’d ever imagine and some I hadn’t, until finally, with one last climactic pop, he was done. Time elapsed: 156 minutes. …
I literally limped away from the set, licking my wounds…” (Pg. 374)

“When it came time for my first boy-girl scene, Rod, of course, cast himself as my partner. His very first thrust banged my cervix wrong. I doubled over in pain, rocking and moaning and clutching myself for fifteen minutes. It took another six hours before I was ready to have sex again. I’m still not sure why the pain was so sharp – I may have been swollen from the workout I had already been through in the previous girl-girl scenes.” (Pg. 423)

5. The porn industry will objectify you and influence you to see yourself as an object.

“You are the product. (Pg. 333)

6. The porn industry and the people in it do not treat women with decency, fairness and respect.

“Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films - in which they’re taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive asshole who thinks her name is Bitch. And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.” (Pg. 132)

“In a worst-case scenario, a gonzo director will take a girl to a hotel room and have their friends shoot a cheap scene in which she is humiliated in every orifice possible. She walks home with three thousand dollars, bowed legs, and a terrible impression of the industry. It’ll be her first and last movie, and she’ll regret it – to her dying day.” (Pg. 325)

“In other scenarios, she’ll work for two weeks until she’s only getting paid seven hundred dollars a scene and then, finally, no one wants to use her anymore. So she’ll agree to do double penetration or drink the sperm of twelve guys just to stay working.” (Pg. 325)

“If you take the time to read it (a sample adult-film contract) carefully, you will notice many ways in which a female performer can get shafted – both literally and metaphorically.” (Pg. 353)

“It was the most irritating shoot of my life. When I spread for him, he joked about there being an echo in the room. When I went into a doggie position, he commented on needing a fish-eye lens for my ass. All evening, he kept making comments that one shouldn’t make around a woman, especially if one wants her to feel sexy.” (Pgs. 359-360)

“For my first Wicked movies, I kept my mouth shut and absorbed everything that was going on. I looked at how the other girls were being treated (basically like Tinkertoys) and what type of people got to call the shots (the male directors). I was determined not to just be a fuck toy but also retain as much power as possible off camera.” (Pg. 368)

“When they were finally ready to shoot, J.B. came into the makeup room and ordered: ‘Get your whore ass on set and do what you do best.’ He had just used the wrong word. I ran after him in a Tasmanian Devil frenzy. The crew had to pull us apart. It was late and my nerves were frayed, but nonetheless J.B. was out of line. And I was right: they were wasting time arguing about the lighting. When he left, I collapsed in my makeup chair and started crying.” (Pgs. 453-454)

7. The industry is full of strange and scary people, who are happy to take advantage of you – like “suitcase pimps”.

Suitcase pimps “date industry girls, become their managers, take all their money, and often leave them broke, jobless, prematurely aged wrecks.” (Pg. 162)

Kylie’s suitcase pimp “knelt in front of her and reached deep inside her. He had a very strange expression on his face, as if he actually enjoyed the responsibility. When he fished it (the sponge) out between his bloody fingers, he actually sniffed it. I had to get out of there. I never wanted to do another movie again.” (Pg. 163)

“There are a lot of scumbags in the industry. They’ll tell girls they need to ‘test them out’ first to see if they give a good blow job.” (Pg. 326)

“After the AVN Awards and all the mainstream exposure, everyone wanted to interview me, even people who had passed on the offer before. One of them was Al Goldstein, the publisher of Screw magazine, who was writing for Penthouse at the time. Joy set up something after the awards show, and Goldstein came by to introduce himself. He’s an obese, greasy, slovenly man, and was very touchy-feely with both of us. When he discussed the interview, he seemed to be dropping hints about going on a date or getting sexual favors from me in exchange for the article. He didn’t say it explicitly, but it’s the feeling Joy and I got…. Goldstein never forgave us for canceling the interview. And so I made my first enemy in the business. He published a screed against Joy and me on the front page of Screw, accusing us of practically every offense imaginable – and a few that were unimaginable. He even attacked my family. That was a turning point because up until then, I could do no wrong. I was the golden girl of the industry. When I read that story, I was heartbroken. I wanted to give up and quit the business.” (Pg. 415)

“I was sick of the vampires in L.A. The only people I trusted were Steve and Joy.” (Pg. 458)

“We relaxed by the pool and ordered daiquiris. I was instantly drawn to him. (Jordan.) He was so different than any guy I had met before. And that’s probably because I’d been in a world of strip-club owners, porn directors, and suitcase pimps for most of my adult life. He wasn’t loud or obnoxious; he didn’t feel a need to brag or prove himself; and he was unaware of how good-looking he was. He had no game. And because of that, I felt comfortable, like I could let down my guard and be myself without worrying that he wanted anything from me.” (Pg. 460)

“Suitcase pimps aren’t made; they’re born. I returned home to a very different Jordan from the one I had left. My three-week absence had brought out a possessive, patriarchal, and jealous side of him. He insisted that the next time I go on the road, he come along, ostensibly to protect me and make sure I got paid. But the real reason was because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t sleeping with other guys – which, technically, I wasn’t.” (Pg. 476. Note: Jenna was sleeping with a stripper named Melissa at the time.)

8. The industry will sometimes lie about you and not respect your wishes.

“And slowly they (the pictures) began to appear: on the cover of Hustler; and then Cherry, and then High Society. All three were on the stands with me on the cover. I was the slut of the month. Of course none of them mentioned Jenna Jameson. They called me Shelly or Daisy or Missy. And, though the editors had never spoken a word to me, they featured interviews in which I discussed how inordinately horny I was, how much I like sex with anonymous strangers, and how I fantasized about inviting my girlfriends over for threesomes with my boyfriend.” (Pgs. 121-122.)

9. The other women that you will have to interact with in the sex industry usually won’t be very nice to you.

“They looked so jaded and hardened. I didn’t see a friendly face among them. There was no way I could survive here. These girls would eat me alive.” (Pg. 36)

“Strippers can be vicious.” (Pg. 48)

“My only real competition was a blond girl with a huge boob job… We never exchanged a single word, but there was an unspoken sense of rivalry – even hatred.” (Pg. 50)

“As I sat in the makeup chair, I watched one hottie after the other arrive – stuck-up, fucked-up, worked-up, or hard-up.” (Pg. 105)

“”When we broke for lunch, I made a beeline for the fruit table. As I was inspecting the bananas like a good monkey, a tall, think, beautiful brunette walked up to me. It was Shauna Ryan, a Penthouse Pet and clearly the alpha female of the tribe. She looked me up and down and then sneered, “How old are you? Eleven?” (Pg. 134)

“I began to feel like Suze (Randall) was taking advantage of me. My pictures appeared in every sex ad and foreign nudie magazine imaginable. And since I’d signed away the rights, she was raking in all the money. Whenever I asked her for a few chromes for a promo shoot or to make a modeling book, she’d refuse. I’d ask her instead to shoot an extra roll for me at our next session instead, and she’d say she couldn’t. She made her living off of enthusiastic new girls like myself, and I understood that and was grateful to her for making me an international cover girl. But there was a bigger problem – she (Suze Randall was stringing me along, telling me that each shoot we did just might be a centerfold in Penthouse. However, nothing we did ever appeared there…. So I added Suze to my mental shitlist of people I could not trust and decided to stop working with her.” (Pg. 172)

“The girls, most of whom had been in the industry longer than me, were extremely catty, probably because I was starring in the movie over them.” (Pg. 372)

“I only had to film one other sex scene in the movie, with Jeanna and another girl. Jeanna was smart, confident, and candid…She was everything I wanted to be. But the scene didn’t live up to my expectations. She just went through the motions, and seemed disconnected the whole time. I kept thinking, ‘If we are going to do this, let’s do it right.’ There was no passion, no connection, and no energy invested in the moment. The final insult came when we were done and she yelled, to no one in particular, ‘Why do you guys put me with these little girls? You make me look like I’m on hundred years old.’ I don’t think she realized how bad that made me feel.” (Pg. 376)

“I’d say, ‘Oh my gosh, you aren’t supposed to get up and go to the bathroom right now while the ‘fasten seatbelt sign’ is illuminated,’ and they’d look at me like I was the stupidest girl they’d ever seen.” (Pg. 400)

“Backstage, I overheard a couple of the other girls talking. ‘Oh, isn’t it so funny?’, one said. ‘They pick her to host, and she wins all the awards.’ ‘I wonder how many guys she had to blow’, the other said.” (Pg. 4411-412)

“I walked over to her (Teri Weigel, Playboy Playmate and porn star) afterward and the first words out of her mouth were, ‘Who in the hell are you?’ That’s when it got ugly. “I’m the girl whose show this is,’ I said. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ ‘Making money,’ she said. ‘Same as you. If you can’t compete…’ “Compete?’ I blew what was left of my cool. ‘Whose name is that on the marquee? Mine. What could have possibly gone through your mind to make you do something like this? Put the shoe on the other foot: How would you feel if you were brand-new on the dance circuit and some legendary dancer chick came in and took your fucking money?’” (Pg. 467)

10. You sometimes have to lie on the job (or be quiet) in order to “maintain the fantasy” for men or your image.

“Instantly the grilling started. He (Howard Stern) seemed determined to know what had a made a girl like me become a porn star. I told him I loved. Sex. I told him I loved the attention. But it wasn’t enough for him. He kept saying that something didn’t compute. He asked if I had a screwed-up childhood, and I said no. He asked if my parents had been strict, and I said no. He asked if my dad and I still talked, and I said we did. He asked if my mom minded what I was doing, and I said no. I had decided in advance that it was better not to discuss her death on the air. I didn’t think I could handle it.” (Pg. 391)

“But then Howard asked me if I’d ever been molested or abused. It was the one question I wasn’t prepared for.”
‘No’, I told Howard, in answer to his question. I lied like a rug. I wasn’t ready to tell anybody about any of this, (being gang raped, beaten and left for dead), and I certainly wasn’t ready to deal with Howard’s reaction. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was in the business because I was a victim.” (Pgs. 391 and 395)

“Just when I thought life couldn’t get any more insane, a producer at the E! Channel called. She said that she wanted to fly me to Bangkok and Singapore to host two episodes of Wild On… ‘We also want you to do the opening of Planet Hollywood in each city’, she said. ‘What do mean exactly by “do”?’ I asked. ‘Just interview the stars as they walk in on the red carpet,’ she replied. ‘No problem,’ I told her with my usual lie. Actually, there was a problem: I didn’t know how to interview anyone.’ (Pg. 447)

11. You will likely be around a lot of people drinking and taking drugs, with a lot of temptation to succumb yourself.

“When I was younger I followed the rules, went to school, and got good grades. On weekends, I’d drop acid for two days straight, but I never thought of it as a bad thing…. It was all part of growing up and finding yourself. In my mind, the so-called bad drugs were meth, coke, and heroin. Unlike acid and mushrooms, these were addictive drugs, and I thought I was too strong and too smart ever to fall in to that trap. But slowly and sure, it happened. When I left the Crazy Horse, I thought I was going to be a star. But now, at twenty, my career was already over.” (Pg. 172)

“Amazingly, even though the workload is small, some girls still don’t show up on set. And when they do they’re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven’t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just fucking and doing drugs, but it’s a job. You punch the clock and go to work.” (Pg. 329)

“The biggest challenges for girls doing movies regularly are drugs and dating. A boyfriend can be a nightmare for your career and your emotional health. Some girls come into the industry with creepy guys already attached, and they’ll be doing anal, gang bangs, and bukkake all in one film just to support his drug habit. By the time the girl cleans herself up, she’s twenty-six, done nine hundred movies, looks like Margaret Thatcher in the morning, and has nothing to show for it.” (Pg. 333)

“Though my reasons made sense logically, they were also convenient rationalizations for my drug habit. Traveling to Los Angeles meant flying high and risking getting caught with speed at the airport. So I started posing only for photographers in Las Vegas.” (Pg. 173)

“Throughout the photoshoot, they told me, ‘Jenna, relax. Let the tension out of your face.’ I was clenching my teeth so hard from the crystal. Even more embarrassing, in certain poses my bones were sticking out so badly that they had to artfully drape my clothes over them so that I wouldn’t repulse readers. There were no magazines for guys with fetishes for anorexic meth freaks at the time.” (Pg. 177)

“’My life’, I said. ‘It’s not where I want it to be…I’m just…stuck. I’m…addicted.’ For the first time I had vocalized it. I was addicted…. I hadn’t done any work in a month. I looked down at my hand, and my fingertips were black from all the time spent holding hot cigarette lighters under meth pipes.” (Pg. 179)

“’I don’t have any friends… I don’t know what I’m going to do. The only person I hang out with is a fucking Mexican crack whore who calls me mija.’” (Pg. 179)

“There was a scale in the corner of the room. I stepped on it. The dial spun and wobbled under the red needle until it stopped on a number. And that number was eighty. I weighed eighty pounds.” (Pg. 179)

“Staring at me from the door of the medicine cabinet was the devil. It had strings of brittle blond hair that had snapped off at various lengths; eyes recessed deep into the sockets and surrounded by bruised black circles; cheekbones sharp enough to draw blood; and its complexion was sickly cyanotic. The devil was my own reflection. I had made my living with my looks, and now they were gone: the beautiful blond hair, the full smiling face, the big bedroom eyes. All the curves that men paid thousands of dollars just to look at had melted away to reveal a skeleton in rags.” (Pg.182)

“Amazingly, even though the workload is so small, some girls still don’t show up on set. And when they do, they’re often late and hung over, with ratty hair and nails that haven’t been done in a year. They think that becoming a porn star means just fucking and doing drugs, but it’s a job. You punch the clock and you go to work.” (Pg. 329)

12. Celebrities and the press will often treat you badly, like an object, and/or assume you want to have sex with them.

“I was sure Howard (Stern) was going to rip me to shreds. For hours, I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. I didn’t want to come off like all the other girls on his show. They either pretended to be voracious sex kittens or poor wounded birds…. I wanted to hold my own against the pressure and manipulation… Few girls left that studio without looking like bimbos. And, unlike movie making, I had to get it right or risk national humiliation…. Instantly, the grilling started.” (Pgs. 390, 391)

“’I want to go out with you so bad,’ he (Howard Stern) said, his eyes never leaving my body. “Please date me. I’ll pay you to date me.” (Pg. 395)

“’That’s the ugliest tattoo I ever saw,’ he (Howard Stern) scolded. ‘It is ugly. You really are a psycho.’” (Pg. 396)

“(Marilyn) Manson started calling me – every day. When I wasn’t there, he would leave me half-humorous, half-insane messages about wanting to set me on fire or feed me to Corey Feldman. Since my marriage to Rod was loveless and sexless, I started seeing Manson on and off. But the more I got to know him, the weirder he became. He would talk about wanting to see girls fuck prosthetic limbs or sucking Twiggy’s dick, and I’d never be able to tell to what degree he was joking and to what degree he was serious. And he wanted to fuck me in the ass a little too often for my comfort. Every time we were naked, he’d be going for my butt like a rat to cheese.” (Pg. 447)

“I walked past a table full of beautiful girls, with Wesley Snipes sitting smack in the middle of them all. He waved me over. ‘So you’re the reporter from the E! Channel.’ He smiled. ‘Why don’t you join us?’ Hesitantly, I sat down next to him, and all the other girls at the table shot me dagger looks. He was trying to get in their pants; they were trying to get in his pants; and I was confused. ‘So,’ he leaned over and whispered in my ear, ‘do you like it up the ass?’ Being a porn star, I was used to such questions. But Wesley had no idea I was a porn star. Either way, I was offended. I looked at him blankly, stood up, and walked away. That was the first and last time I ever saw him.” (Pg. 450)

“I never made it to the bar. Bruce Willis walked in front of me. He looked fine. Instantly, I felt my chest flush and tingle. Even though he was wearing a creepy pair of shorts, I was still attracted. He didn’t say a word. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. After thirty seconds of passionate tonguing, he just walked away without a word…. As we hit the fresh air, a bodyguard walked up to me and said, ‘Mr. Willis is waiting for you in his limousine.’ ‘ He’s going to be waiting a long time,’ I responded. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he had crossed it.” (Pg. 450)

13. Your fans are often creepy and/or drunk, and none of them really care about your acting, talent or showmanship, they just want to see skin and sex.

“Here, finally, was a new challenge for me, (acting), something I had never done before. Of course, in the back of my mind, I imagined the audience with one hand on their dicks and the other on the fast forward button skipping over the acting scenes…” (Pg. 371-372.)

“These guys didn’t care about seeing a show. They just wanted to see some skin. So much for my delusion of actually being respected in the world at large.” (Pg. 467)

“If I was going to stand up there all night bending over for alcoholics, no one was going to take my money.” (Pg. 468)

“I also learned to keep a close eye on my G-strings and bras, because every time I removed one, it disappeared from the stage. I still wonder what guys do with them, and how stinky and crusty they get when they remain unwashed in their rooms for so long.” (Pg. 468)

“The other thing I learned that week was that guys don’t give a shit about thousand-dollar light shows and Feminator outfits. The best way to make money is not with a Broadway-caliber show, but by being enticing and engaging onstage – by making them want to splooge in their pants. And so, by the time I arrived at my second engagement, Al’s Diamond Cabaret in Reading, Pennsylvania, I had shed all pretensions of performance art. I was back in stripper mode.” (Pg.468)

14. Working in porn will negatively affect your viewpoint of men and sex.

“After a girl works in the industry for a while, that’s the only thing guys seem good for – taking care of stuff.” (Pg. 162.)

“Every man I’ve ever met loves the idea of dominating a woman by pushing his massive dick into her tight sphincter so that she loses control” (Pg. 323)

“On top of it, (drugs and user boyfriends), she’ll have no respect for money or sex anymore. Her pussy will have changed from a pleasure center to a cash machine.” (Pg. 333)

“That night at work, she (Melissa) sat inside the ring around the stage and studied every move I made. Wherever I went in the club, I could feel her watching me. It’s funny how if a man did that, it would be creepy; but with a woman, it was such a turn-on. Maybe it’s because worship is a submissive act, and men are supposed to be dominant.” (Pg. 471-472)

“In my mind…every guy just wanted to have sex with me.” (Pg. 360)

15. It’s extremely difficult to have a healthy personal, romantic or sexual relationship with someone. Your career will likely negatively affect your relationship and your relationship will likely negatively affect your career.

“Other girls meet boyfriends after getting into the industry. And while guys may think it’s cool at first, ultimately they’ll hate you for what you’re doing. . . . Even if you end up leaving the industry for him, he’ll always hold your past against you.” (Pg. 333)

“Never bring a boyfriend to the set, because they usually stare needles into you and everyone else the whole time. You’ll be so afraid you’re going to upset him that you won’t be able to perform. And the guy in the scene with you will either be unable to get a hard-on because he’s so uncomfortable or he’ll want to fuck you to death, just to piss your boyfriend off. Some of the bigger loser boyfriends will even hit on other performers.” (Pg. 334)

“Because few outsiders truly accept and understand the lifestyle, most people in porn date within the industry. However, dating a male performer is also a kiss of death for most girls. As soon as emotions come into play and you both really love each other, you’re not going to want him to perform with anyone else and he’s not going to want you for perform with anyone else.” (Pg. 334)

“The other option is to have an open relationship and fuck other people, but then that’s not a relationship at all. It’s nothing. I’ve never seen a swinger couple work out: usually, one person will fall in love with the other first, but will keep their mouth shut until one day they just blow up and let it all out. And when they do, it’s such an overload of emotions and feelings that it scares the other person off.” (Pg. 334)

“Even to those of us behind the camera, sex is an intimate thing. This is borne out by how hard it is for anyone in the industry to have a healthy relationship off camera. No male is wired to watch his lover having sex with another man on camera, especially if he is better looking, has a bigger dick, and fucks her better.” (Pg. 334)

Quote from “one of porn’s leading men.”(Anonymous):
“Getting into porn is a death sentence. As a male performer you are doomed to be single for the rest of your life…. A guy performs seven to ten scenes per week at least. The number one performers do fifteen scenes per week. So what girl is going to go out with a guy who’s pounding fifteen other girls every week? No one. The guys don’t have any social life, because they are on set so much. And when they do go out, they are like lepers. Girls won’t touch them. Even girls in the industry avoid them, because it’s bad for their career to get stuck having sex with just one guy on camera.” (Pg. 386-387)

Rod “was the first man I’d dated with a Madonna-whore complex. Whenever we were together, he treated me like a princess. But in bed, the sex had to be dirty and he’d treat me like a slut, shouting obscenities and constantly trying to stick his finger up my asshole while fucking me, which is an acquired taste that I just never acquired. So, as the relationship progressed, it became harder and harder for him to fuck me, because he was caught in a double bind. It seemed like in order to get pleasure during sex, he had to humiliate the woman; but it was impossible for him to humiliate the woman he loved.” (Pg. 424)

“For once, I was dating a guy who focused one hundred percent of his attention on me. I was confident that he loved me and, even better, he allowed me to be in charge. I learned an important thing about dating: The person who wants the least amount of commitment in a relationship is the one who holds the reins.” (Pg. 425)

“One would think that after what I’d been through with Jack, I’d be a sympathetic partner. But, instead, I became just as bad as the men I had dated. I took out all my negative experiences on him (Rod) and really fucked him up, because I had nothing to lose. By the end of our first month of living together, we were fighting all the time. I would insult every aspect of his masculinity and threaten to leave, because I truly did not need him. “ (Pg. 425)

“Whenever I said I was out of there, he would cry. And once a man cries, it’s over. Show me any weakness, and I’ll stomp all over you. I clearly wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was still living out unresolved conflicts from my past.” (Pg. 426)

“Of course, Rod wasn’t entirely innocent himself. He seemed to be taking out all his bad experiences with women on me as well. He had a passive-aggressive way of trying to keep me under control, and that was by playing off my insecurity. It’s a time-honored tactic among men who feel like they are dating a woman out of their league: never be impressed and always put her down. He would walk into the room when I was putting on makeup naked and say, ‘You can tell the first thing that’s going to go is your ass.’ Or he’d tell me that the only women who had turned him on were Asian girls.” (Pg. 426)

“Slowly I went from being this thriving, confident woman at the top of a new career to questioning everything about my body and myself. It was his way of getting revenge by making me as dependent on him as he was on me.” (Pg. 426)

“When he (Rod) was angry, he would call me a whore. And that pissed me off more than anything, because Preacher had said that word to me when he was raping me. Hearing it since – no matter who spoke it – sent bubbles of anger boiling to the surface of my skin. I told him when he first used the word, ‘You can call me anything you want, but do not call me a whore. It will save you a lot of pain and suffering.’ It
was a big mistake to tell him that, because now he had a button he could push whenever he wanted. Of course, he still had to suffer the consequences. I’m not by nature a violent person, but I would throw books at him and pummel him with my little fists.” (Pg. 426)

“If I hadn’t really cared about him, I wouldn’t have responded to his provocations at all. So, somehow, over the course of all this madness, I must have fallen in love with him. And the more I fell in love with him, the more he pulled away and neglected me. Instead of spending time with me when he was home, he would lock himself in his room for days and write scripts.” (Pgs. 427-428)

“Eventually, our sex life dwindled to nothing – and I needed it, not just for the pleasure itself, but as a reassurance of the love that we both supposedly felt for each other. It wasn’t just because of his demeaning comments and his sexual neuroses: being business with your lover will typically squeeze the last drop of energy and passion from both of you. Some say that work is the enemy of all natural erotic impulses, that it kills off your sexual desires and channels them elsewhere. And this is doubly true when your work is sex.” (Pg. 428)

“I started scrambling to save the relationship. On some level, I wanted to make it work because, professionally, we were a good team. The movies we made were some of my favorites. So, in a last ditch effort to make the relationship work, we decided to get married. I thought we’d fall back in love – and I convinced myself that I was overemphasizing sex, that perhaps it wasn’t really that important in a relationship. So I immersed myself in planning the wedding of the century. I even bought my own wedding ring. (Pg. 428)

“The next day we were scheduled to fly to Hawaii for our honeymoon. So I booked a room for us that night at the Beverly Hills Hotel. When we checked in, we said good night and went to sleep. We didn’t even have sex. And the scary thing is I didn’t even want to.” (Pg. 429)

“When we woke up on our first morning as a married couple, nothing seemed to have changed. He was shuffling his feet across the floor to the bathroom, and all I could think was, ‘Pick up your fucking feet, loser.’ Perhaps if he had leaned over and kissed me and said, ‘Oh my God, you’re my wife,’ I would have felt differently. But instead, he just asked, ‘Do you want anything from room service?’ in his meek little voice. I wanted to smack him and say, ‘Speak up!’ Bitterness was taking hold of me.” (Pg. 431)

“By the end of the trip, I knew it was over. The only words I said to him on the way home were, ‘Fine. Go ahead and write another mother-fucking script. I couldn’t care less. They’re bad anyway.’ Naturally I only acted this way with him in private. But it was only a matter of time before it leaked into our professional life. We began to argue over every little thing on the set, which made the entire crew uncomfortable. One of us would tell the other what to do, and the other would bristle and snap back. Of course, I only had a problem when he was ordering me around, not when anyone else did.” (Pg. 432)

“We tried to make each other’s jobs as hard as possible. He knew how to get me, because the most important thing to me was the way I looked on camera. And I knew how to get him, because it was so important to him for the production to run on time, especially because he’d cram and entire big-budget movie into six twenty-hour days. It soon became The War of the Roses between us.” (Pg. 432)

“He would berate me in front of the crew; he would compliment the other girls but ignore me; he’d pretend not to hear me when I asked min something; he’d tell me I wasn’t smart enough to learn two lines of dialogue; and he’d chastise me for expecting to be treated like a star when I acted like a little kid.” (Pg. 432)

“ In return, I would spend longer in the makeup chair than I need to. And if he dared to poke his head into the room and ask how much longer, I’d tell the makeup artist that I needed more eyelashes or tell the hairstylist that we needed to re-wet my hair and start over.” (Pg. 432)

“Making movies became a miserable experience, because my dysfunctional relationship was staring at me in the face on the other side of the camera. And sometimes, on my side of the camera. He (Rod) was a great director, but he wasn’t a great performer. And since it takes two to make a good sex scene, I felt that he was fucking my career up. When your sex life is bad off camera, you can’t expect chemistry to magically come into existence on camera.” (Pg. 432)

“For one film, we had arranged a three-way, with Rod, Mickey G., and myself. But Rod couldn’t get his dick firm to save his life and Mickey was like a rock, so Rod had to be dropped from the scene. It wasn’t anything personal: it was just about getting the film done. But it was a major ego blow to Rod. I took him aside and said that we could just scrap the scene. ‘I insist that you do it’, he said. ‘If you don’t, I’m going to be mad.’ ‘Well,’ I told him. ‘You’re going to be mad either way.’ I did the scene. It was the first one I had done with another man since we were married. But Rod got his revenge.” (Pg. 433) (See also all of pgs. 434-437)

“Since my marriage to Rod was loveless and sexless, I started seeing (Marilyn) Manson on and off. But the more I got to know him, the weirder he became. He would talk about wanting to see girls fuck prosthetic limbs or sucking Twiggy’s dick, and I’d never be able to tell to what degree he was joking and to what degree he was serious. And he wanted to fuck me in the ass a little too often for my comfort. Every time we were naked, he’d be going for my butt like a rat to cheese.” (Pg. 447)

“Of course I was discreet about the fling. However, as soon as the paparazzi photos of us hit the press, Howard Stern was on the phone asking about it. I denied the whole thing on the air and told him we were just friends. But the next day Manson was on his show, blabbing about the entire thing. I never pegged him as the type to kiss and tell.” (Pg. 447)

“Every bond that held Rod and me together – except for that proclaimed by church, state, and Wicked contract – had crumbled to dust. The final blow came when we concluded that I needed to work with other directors and performers in order to maintain the momentum of my career.” (Pg. 453)

“Lee, my makeup artist, shut the door and tried to soothe me. Just then, Rod came bursting into the room. ‘You stupid fucking whore,’ he yelled. ‘You are going to ruin this whole production. You can’t treat people like dogs after how hard they’ve worked. Who do you think you are?’ ‘How hard they worked, you selfish bastard? I’ve worked just as hard. And I’m the one who has to be on camera and look beautiful at four in the morning.’ We yelled at each other for ten minutes, making Lee so uncomfortable he cleared the room. Finally, I packed my shit and left the set.” (Pg. 454)

“My marriage showed no signs of improvement. In bed, I would move my foot over to touch his, and he would move his leg away. I needed so badly for him to do something to show that he loved me, something to counteract the constant drama on the set, but instead, he’d shut himself in his room for days and say that he had scripts to write. I had been much better off living alone. I didn’t realize that it’s a lot worse to be lonely in the company of someone you supposedly love than it is to be lonely by yourself.” (Pgs. 454-455)

“After we wrapped shooting on Satyr, I couldn’t take it anymore. The exact words I used were: ‘If you aren’t going to fuck me, I’m going to find someone who will.’ ‘Go ahead,’ he said. There was no love, or even consideration or good will, left between us anymore. The minute I left, I knew I was doing the right thing.” (Pg. 455)

“With Rod, everything was work. My entire life was porn. I needed escape and balance.” (Pg. 461)

“There was nothing for me back in L.A. Jordan offered the solace I needed: He was normal; he made me feel comfortable; he gave me my space. He was the exact antithesis of the life that I was so irritated with.” (Pg. 462)

“With weeks on his own to think about our short-lived marriage, Rod realized that he had blown it. He had taken me for granted and lost me. He followed me around the house, telling me how much he loved me and begging me to stay. His eyes reddened, his voice squeaked. It actually seemed like he might act like a man for once and punch the wall. But it was all too late. In my head I prepared a response: ‘You only have yourself to blame. I gave you your chance. I would cry myself to sleep at night begging you to just fucking hug me, and you would tell me to go fuck myself. You see where it got you? I fucking hate you.’ But I didn’t say a word. I didn’t press a single one of his buttons, even though they all lay exposed in front of me. Like most men, he didn’t realize what he had until it was gone. So much of his yelling, his lack of affection, and his self-imposed workaholism had come from the simple fact that he was insecure. He didn’t feel that he deserved me. And now, it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was getting what he deserved: I was leaving.” (Pg. 463)

“His (Jordan’s) suspiciousness made some sense since I had met him in a strip club and was in the middle of finalizing a divorce with Rob. But as his attachment to me (and fear of loss) deepened, he didn’t want to share me in any way with another human being. The guy knew from day one that dancing was what I did for work – and the reason I could afford the two hundred dollar tennis shoes he had on his feet. But now he couldn’t stand it. On the road, new demands came every day. He didn’t like me making certain suggestive moves onstage. He didn’t want me talking to other guys. He didn’t want me sitting in their laps for Polaroids – I was only allowed to put my arm around them.” (Pg. 475)

“Every so often Joy would call with an offer to do an interview for VH1 or E!, and I wouldn’t call her back. Jordan didn’t want me to talk about anything sexual in public that would embarrass him. Of course, I would fight him on everything tooth and nail, but he made my life so miserable with his constant temper tantrums, guilt trips, and harangues that I would eventually give in. It was easier to play along than to fight. I don’t know how he turned the dynamic around between us and ended up in charge. Although I didn’t admit it to myself at the time, it was what I wanted to some degree, because he was the exact opposite of Rod: a real man – and manly to a fault.” (Pg. 475-476)

16. The porn industry and success within in it can change you and others for the worse.

“The first person I met was actor Lyle Danger, a dark, moody, well-built Slovenian with smoldering eyes and a day of stubble on his chin. Like me he was also new in the business…. I liked him right away. Of course, the business would eventually change him into another creature entirely.” (Pg. 317)

“They (Juli Ashton and Kaylan Nicole) had realized that with their beauty, boobs, and status, the rules that applied to the rest of the world didn’t apply to them. They had the attitude that they could do absolutely anything they wanted….They ordered drink after drink, traipsed around the plane like it was their living room, and acted openly sexual with each other, much to the excitement and consternation of the male passengers. Even though I’d been in lesbian relationships, I’d never been that forward in public. My dad the cop had taught me to follow the rules, and their behavior confused me. On the one hand, it made me uncomfortable; on the other, I wanted to have the guts to act that free.” (Pg. 400)

“I always made sure I had the best outfit on. If there was a photo op, I made sure I was front row and center. If there was a television camera in the vicinity, I made sure I grabbed the microphone. I took over absolutely everything. (At the Cannes Film Festival and the Hot D’Or awards.) I was competing with some of the best girls in the industry, and I had to prove why, out of all of them, I deserved to be starlet of the year. Even when photographers would yell ‘Pamela’ at me, I’d play along, mugging for photos and letting them think they had Pamela Anderson. Looking back on it now, I’m ashamed at how selfish and opportunistic I was, but at the same time, success requires some familiarity with the fatal flaw of narcissism.” (Pg. 402)

“I swept up at the Hot D’Or Awards on my final night in Cannes, winning Best New American Starlet and Best American Actress. Afterward, I looked around the room and thought, ‘I did it. I’m the most popular girl here.’ As shallow as it is, that’s what I thought at the time. Life was like high school, a popularity contest in a classroom as big as the world. Mainstream fame, or at least the tantalizing possibility of it, had now entered my bloodstream. I was never the same afterward. Returning home on the airplane, swigging miniature bottle of Jack Daniel’s with Juli and Kaylan, I was now one of them: I could do no wrong. And I could get away anything, because I was Jenna! with an exclamation point. I thought I was finally finding myself, but in reality I was turning into a monster.” (Pg. 407)

“A strange sort of arrogance told hold of me after all the accolades. I began to think I was smarter than everybody around me, which may have been true, but didn’t give me any excuse to act that way. On set, I acted as if I were the only one who knew what it took to sell movies. I knew what kind of sex to have, whom I had to work with, and how many scenes I needed to be in. And if anyone disagreed with me, I’d pull rank. I realized all I had to do was threaten to quit the movie or sic Steve Orenstein on a director, and he’d do whatever I wanted. When you are twenty-one and have the kind of power I did, you enjoy brandishing it.” (Pg. 412)

“An insanely talented director, he (Rodney Hopkins) had just started making films for Wicked, and he knew a lot about the business. So I quickly realized he could help me. Was that superficial of me? Yes. Was it unusual for me? Sadly, no.” (Pg. 422)

“She (Teri Weigel) began to stammer something that sounded like an apology. I looked at her body and complexion; she seemed to have fallen on hard times. But I wasn’t going to pay for her mistakes. ‘Pack your fucking shit,’ I told her, ‘and get the fuck out of my club.’ And so Teri and her loser suitcase pimp left. Next I had it out with the club owner, and finally my agent. ‘If this ever happens again,’ I screamed at him over the phone, ‘I will personally come down there and cut your fucking throat.’ (Pg. 467)

“I flashed back to the first time I stood up to Suze Randall and squeaked something about not wanting to put oil on my ding-ding. I was a different person now: fearless and terrifying. I wasn’t sure if that was necessarily a good thing.” (Pg. 468)

17. You may become tempted to become a “porn pimp” yourself, and bring someone into a world that you yourself find to be unhealthy.

“We all get paid kickbacks for finding gorgeous girls for films, so we’re always on the lookout for new talent…. If I like a new discovery enough, I’ll even use her in one of my movies. Why give her away to someone else?” (Pg. 328)

18. Strangers may recognize you and try to attack you or rape you. Your safety will likely be threatened.

“One evening, I opened the door to let the delivery man in. It was always the same guy: a hairy, thick-armed doofus with stringy black hair and a wardrobe consisting only of grease-stained button-down white shirts. But today he looked different. His jaw was set, his eyes blazed, his voice trembled. When he passed me the food with shaking hands, he just stared at me. I left the door open and walked to the loveseat to get my wallet. He followed me in and closed the door behind him. ‘I saw you naked in a magazine,’, he said. ‘Yeah, you looked real good. You and I are going to – ‘ I screamed at the top of my lungs. I just kept screaming and screaming. I was sure I was about to be raped. But instead the guy abruptly turned and ran out of my apartment. I collapsed onto the loveseat, shaking. My whole body felt cold, and I curled up and stared at the wall. I must have lain there for hours, comatose.” (Pg. 338)

“As my star rose, it became harder to live in that tiny studio. I wanted someone to share my excitement with. And, more than that, there was the issue of safety. Not only was I afraid to order food, but my deathly fear of the parking garage was not assuaged when my Corvette was broken into and thousands of dollars in clothes I had stored in the back for photo shoots were taken.” (Pg. 422)

19. You will likely find it hard to do other types of work or feel that you can do so.

“I was lying in bed at Steven’s apartment the night the E! Cannes special premiered. I was overwhelmed watching it. It was the first time in my adult life I had accomplished anything that didn’t involved taking my clothes off.” (Pg. 409)

20. You may find yourself constantly seeking approval from others.

“So when he (my father) called from yet another payphone somewhere in this great land of ours, I invited him to the awards show. Despite everything, I wanted my father to see me win. I wanted him to know that I was no longer a little girl who couldn’t take care of herself. I wanted him to see that I was successful and respected and admired. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to care. And perhaps I also felt that his approval would set in stone that I had made the right decision getting into adult movies.” (Pg. 410)

“I felt a tremendous amount of pressure (which was probably in my mind) to impress everyone. I wanted to be funny, relaxed, charismatic. I didn’t want to embarrass myself and Wicked. To this day, I still put pressure on myself to be the person that everyone wants and expects me to be.” (Pg. 411)

21. If you want to increase your income, you will likely have to have anal sex and sex with multiple partners.

From a “sample adult-film contract”:

“SCHEDULE ‘A’. Additional compensation:

Same Sex Anal Intercourse (excluding DP [Double Penetration] and Air Tight. (See below.) $125.00 per scene

Opposite Sex Anal Intercourse (excluding DP and Air Tight): $250.00 per scene

Opposite Sex Double Penetration (excluding Air Tight): $400.00 per scene

Air Tight (three males with three simultaneous penetrations): $650.00 per scene

Multiple Partners: $250.00 per partner over three (Pg. 356)

22. You will likely end up touring strip clubs and doing stripping as part of promoting your career, and even though you may have already “made it” or become “a star”, you may have to work in less than desirable places, under less than desirable conditions.

“I had been told that Al’s was a high yielding club. But even though it allowed fully nude dancing, I was disappointed when I saw it. It was a total dump (though it’s since been remodeled). Of more concern, it was poorly designed. I was supposed to dance in a pit surrounded by a runway for other dancers and, far on the outside, a railing. Since the guys were along the railing and I was stuck in the center, there was no way they could hand me – or even throw me – money. So I kissed my tips good-bye. On top of that, Al took a five-dollar cut from each Polaroid in exchange for providing the camera and the film (even though I had my own).” (Pg. 468)

“In most of the other clubs I’d been to, thirty to a hundred girls worked on a peak night, but at Al’s there were only six other dancers. And there was no lap-dancing allowed; only stagework. Even stranger, all the guys hanging out had their own coolers. It was strictly a B.Y.O.B. situation. I was definitely in the boondocks, and I had bad associations with the boondocks.” (Pg. 468-469)

“My dressing room was a tiny cubicle covered with graffiti from the other girls who had been there.” (Pg. 469)

“I walked offstage with three crumpled dollar bills that had been tossed hard enough to reach the inner sanctum.” (Pg. 469)

23. You will likely be in the industry only for money or other reasons that aren’t the healthiest. (And therefore not be fulfilled in any way other than materially.)

“The other temptation was money…By appearing in a film, I could make anywhere from two thousand dollars to six thousand dollars for just a few hours work. That’s a lot of new purses.” (Pg. 131)

“Step One: Teenager becomes a model. Reason – Like all teenagers, she thinks she’s special.
Step Two: Teenager starts dating a tattoo artist and biker. Reason – He’s older, badder, and allegedly wiser.
Step Three: Teenager becomes a stripper. Reason – Work, money, and approval of boyfriend.
Step Four: Teenager starts modeling nude. Reason – It’s just like real modeling, except with the stripping added in.
Step Five: Teenager starts acting in soft-core all-female adult movies. Reason – Revenge.” (Pg. 126)

“Many strippers get into porn solely because they want to up their rates. Plus, dancing is a lot easier than being on set, a great way to build up your fan base and mailing list, and a convenient escape from the problems at home.” (Pg. 466)

“Sexuality became a tool for so much more than just connecting with a boy I was attracted to. I realized it could serve any purpose I needed. It was a weapon I could exploit mercilessly.” (Pg.287)

“You get bored, because the hours are long.” (Pg. 329)

“There is a little girl who is still inside me, and that little girl doubts everything I do, but I always force myself to go out and do everything – no matter how trivial – bigger and better than everybody else does, just to spite her.” (Pg. 401)

24. Even if you leave the industry, your porn career will haunt you forever.

“…Unfortunately, they can’t take that experience (of doing a porn movie) back, so they live the rest of their days in fear that their relatives, their co-workers, or their children will find out, which they inevitably do.” (Pg. 132)

“’You have to understand that if you are only planning on doing this for three months, it will affect the rest of your life. You will always be thought of as a porn star, even if you become a nun afterward.” (Pg. 328)

“Do not attempt to hide it (doing porn) from lovers or family, because that will only stress you out and they’ll eventually find out anyway.” (Pg. 331)

25. Since money alone does not lead to true meaningful fulfillment, you likely still won’t be happy, even when you reach the top.

“Suicide, I’ve read since, is a triggered behavioral mechanism, like throwing up. It has to do with not feeling needed, with seeing your existence in the social hierarchy as superfluous. It is something certain animals do, evolutionarily, so that their offspring can survive on a limited food supply. All that makes sense intellectually, but, looking back on it, I still didn’t know why I even contemplated it. I had gotten signed to Wicked; I’d taken the first difficult strides toward my goal; I’d accomplished something by myself for once in my life. Yet I still wasn’t happy.” (Pg. 364)

“After the ceremony I was too tired to celebrate. I went back to my room, shut the door, and cried. ‘My life is at a fucking peak,’ I thought. ‘There’s nowhere to go from here but down.’” (Pg. 412)

“Up until then, I had lived in the sheltered world of the sex industry. And I had come to believe that I was a star, especially after Cannes. But when I met all these people, I realized I was nothing. I was just a niche icon, not a real celebrity. I had sex on screen; I did some perfunctory acting. These people moved and inspired millions of people with their music. All I did was contribute to Kleenex sales. There must be something more I could make of myself. (Pg. 445)’’

“I am perpetually getting the shit kicked out of me in my sleep. I also often dream about my dad dying. What connects all these dreams is that I’m always alone, scared, and powerless in them. For as long as I can remember, this has been my nocturnal landscape. A lot of the decisions I’ve made in my waking life have been attempts to escape it: Is fame going to help me sleep? Is getting married going to stop the nightmares? But nothing worked. Every supposedly safe choice I made just ended up scaring me more. And the more wrong turns I made, the more I woke up crying. My dad couldn’t console me; Jack couldn’t console me; Nikki couldn’t console me; Rod couldn’t console me. No one could.” (Pg. 457-458)

“The budget of the movies we were making had grown from $20,000 to $200,000, and the pressure mounted accordingly. I needed a way out – from L.A., from Rod, and from the movies.” (Pg. 458)

“I piled everything in the car and drove off. I didn’t know where I was going. But somehow, I found myself at the door of a place I recognized: the Vagabond Inn. It was all this there: the bug stains on the sheets, the light-phobic roaches, the asshole at the front desk, demanding a credit card. But I was different. The little girl, wide-eyed, innocent, and fearful, was gone. I was a star now, supposedly; a married woman, on paper at least; and a confident adult in control of her own destiny, at least in other people’s perception. But in truth I had traveled so far and gone nowhere: I was still alone, looking for someone to help me make my way through the wilderness of the world. Every clearing I thought I had found turned out to be just a chimera. I threw my bags in the corner of the room and lay on top of the bed in my clothes. I turned my mind off and stared at the ceiling, waiting for an epiphany. It never came.” (Pg. 455)


So there you have it. Said better than anyone else could say it and with more authority than anyone else. Please feel free to share this compilation far and wide, particularly with young women who might be considering entering the pornography industry. And once again, thank you Jenna!

APA, :^)

Note: The above is a work in progress. It will be added to and refined over time. But I thought in the meantime visitors to this blog might want to see what I have compiled so far. I hope you enjoyed it! :^)


lost clown said...

Thank you for posting this.

APA, :^) Anti-Pornography Activist said...

You're very welcome, lost clown, and thank you for the positive feedback. I'm so glad you appreciated the Jenna "reasons" compilation. It was a lot of work, but very worthwhile, I believe.

Anonymous said...

I'd also like to thank you for all the work. I'm really interested now in reading her book. And it's some good inside information on the nasty/bad/etc side of the porn industry.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi Anon, :-)
I hope you do indeed read the whole book. It is extremely informative regarding the truth of the porn industry and all the abuses that take place in it. It also makes it very clear how a background like Jenna's can lead a girl or woman into the sex industry. (I.e. multiple rapes, growing up in Las Vegas, teenage drug use, unstable family life, etc.)

Anonymous said...

wow i have a new view on the porn industry now, these girls have it rough

Anonymous said...

Men unveil themselves as beasts when you work in a sex industry with them...I wish I read this before...I can never trust a man again

Guapo said...

Hi. It was interesting to read the parts from Jamesons book, and it is also an interesting topic. However I find your post too one-dimensional. I mean, it's your reasons, not Jenna Jamesons. Someone could probably make a list of "Why porn isn't that bad" quoting from the same book. I didn't read the book but I find it hard to belive that Jenna Jameson feels that the industry is _just_ horrible. After all she did several films after the book was published, and are still involved in the industry on the business side. It's not that I disagree with the point you`re making, but in my opinion you`d get the message across better with a more complex discussion of the topic. Still, interesting reading. Thanks for the work you put in.

Anonymous said...

I must have missed the part when she was forced to go into that line of work.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To guapo: Thanks for the feedback. I hope that to see the whole picture, and understand the excerpts that I have provided, that people will read Jenna's entire autobiography.

To Anonymouse of Jan 13: I understand your point, but perhaps if you read the entire book you will see that there were influences on Jenna from her childhood that strongly influenced her choices and circumstances while she was still young, impressionable, and very vulnerable. (Such as multiple rapes, etc.)

Toad734 said...

I don't think I need to respond to all of them but since I am someone who believes in personal responsibility I have to comment:

1.So can being a teacher, a toll booth worker or cashier. You can also get an STD from a blind date or a toilet seat. I'm not saying that being a porn star doesn't increase your chances; I'm just saying that problem isn't exclusive to porn.

2. Welcome to Hollywood. Any actress, model, stripper, bartender, waitress would have the same pressures. Not saying its right, just again, not exclusive to porn. Or you could say, if you don't have a body for porn, you shouldn’t do porn. I’m a 5'10" 170 lb white guy, I have no illusions of being a linebacker in the NFL, nor should I.

3. Welcome to show business, corporate America and single life. Madonna did the same thing but she wasn't in the porn business. Again, not exclusive to porn. Besides, I don't think that's a shocking surprise that blind sides most new porn actresses.

4. So can being a construction worker, any type of model or a professional athlete. You don't hear them complaining.

5.They do this to the men as well. This also happens in almost every other industry. Ever worked in a factory?

6. They don't treat men with decency either. I also hear sweatshops don't treat women with decency, fairness or respect. Again, you kind of know this going into it, if that’s bothers you, don't become a porn star. No one is forced to drink 12 guys loads. Just say no. You could also go to work with a company owned by a woman or start your own web site and choose who and how you have sex.

7. And a law firm isn't full of strange scary people waiting to take advantage or you? Welcome to the real world.

8. See 7

9.And it's different at an insurance office?

10. Hollywood is a lie and a fantasy, its called acting. Do you really think Jake wanted to kiss Heath Ledger? That wasn't real; it was a movie AKA fantasy. By the way, I saw a whole lot of women line up to see that movie and objectify two men and incite a lot of fantasies for a lot of women. Real men don't have 6 pack abs, wear tight jeans and cowboy hats and make out with each other. Does that argument sound familiar?

11. Again, welcome to Hollywood. You don't need porn to be around drugs and temptation. Besides, even if the temptation is there, you don't have to give into it.

13 And Jodie Foster and John Lennon fans are any different?? She didn't do porn. Welcome to any type of high exposure career.

14. Sure it can negatively affect your viewpoint of men and sex but don't do the creepy stuff with the creepy people.

15.Really, fucking 20 people a day will affect your relationship with your boyfriend?? Who could have foreseen such a thing??

17. So don't

18.See 13

20. So you were insecure to begin with??

21. You will do anything for money and greed is your problem, not the porn industry. If I worked longer hours I could probably make more money; that’s a trade off and I have to decide if it’s worth it. Working long hours sucks too. At least they pay more for less desirable acts.

23. Again, the problem is you, not the industry.

24. Yes your children may see you on film with a schlong in your mouth. Can’t argue with that one.

25. Again, you have emotional short comings to begin with and this could happen in any industry. John Edwards was a rich successful lawyer but it wasn't enough, he now needs to be President, what’s next?

Toad734 said...

And I know several women who were raped but they didn't go into porn.

She could always learn to type.

Obviously the Romanian sex slave type situations are way different but most American girls in porn want to be famous, want to make a lot of money, want the admiration of men and don't have a whole lot of brain power to offer any other career. Not saying that's all of them, there are some normal smart people in porn...I assume.Like Anonymous said, most of these come down to personal choices.

Anonymous said...

porn is dumb.... all the people i know who think its normal are just weird, loners and generally sick minded

SweetLeaf said...

I feel sick and conflicted. I have bought into the porn industry unashamedly for years [Playboy Bunny girly t,Hustler attire]After watching that Diane Sawyer interview with BellaDonna,I just feel like crying.She's bring a baby in this world.How will her choices affect that tiny life?

I have some choices of my own to make.Thank you for opening my eyes.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi sweetleaf. Thanks for your honest feedback. I really appreciate it. And you're very welcome in regards to helping to open your eyes about this issue. That is my purpose, so it's nice to know I am accomplishing it. :-)

I'm very glad you watched the Belladonna video. It's extremely powerful, isn't it? I hope many others do the same.

Best wishes to you in life and with the choices you'll be making that will now be more fully informed. :-)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for compiling this. I know it must've taken a long time to pick out everything. You never REALLY think about what a porn star goes through. This forced me to see at least a glimpse of what a porn starlet's life is like. Jenna may be somewhat respected by society nowadays, but I have the utmost respect for her now...just by seeing a couple hundred quotes of the crap she went through.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anonymous of March 6:

You're very welcome. :-) It was indeed a great deal of work, but after reading the whole book I felt obligated to put this piece together to share the truth with everyone. I'm glad that you found it informative and thought provoking.

Peter Hewitt said...

This is a great post. I feel that although I am not a full blown porn addict, I do have problems. Your YouTube profile and some links have made me really want to change. This post is very interesting, providing the opinions of the most well known porn star in history is a great way to get across this important information. The detail of her stories should be able to change anyone's mind, although like some of the previous people commented they can be a bit obvious. I believe that a little bit of porn is not bad, magazines and such, but in today's world it is way out of control. I would never harm a woman, and see them as equals to men in every possible way, but somehow I stil enjoy watching porn that degrades them (for the record, nothing too crazy). While magazines are alright, the things that are done now most certainly are not. Having a penis in every hole while being choked or beaten does not seem very good for women no matter how you spin it. Thanks for the article and for the inspiration to quit watching this filth (barring maybe an occasional playboy), and to find more productive things to do with my life. As personal as it is, I think that I have become dependent on porn to simply "finish" with my girlfriend. This has caused some serious problems but we are fine, and that is one of the main reasons why I am determined to stay away. Thanks again, a reply would be much appreciated. P.S. - Sorry for the unbelievably long comment.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi Peter. Thank you so much for your positive feedback. I really appreciate everything that you shared with me. It is all very interesting and helpful. :-)

It's especially interesting that you feel that you fully see women as equals yet you have still enjoyed watching some porn that degrades them. I would like to hear your thoughts on why you think it is this way for you. (If you are willing to share such information.)

In any case, I am thrilled that my work has helped you want to not watch degrading and dehumanizing porn any more. That's wonderful! I hope you have great success with this goal, and I wish you and your girlfriend all the best. I believe that your positive choice will help both of you and your relationship a great deal. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am a woman. The first light that struck me and made me want to become anti-porn was when I accidentally watched a video which showed a "blooper" of a girl crying during porn. It was bizarre. It was almost incomprehensible, sickening and it made me want to cry too. This post was the first I read from this website, and I will be here to read more. I am taking the steps. Taking them slowly, but taking them nevertheless. Thank you for helping me.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi Anonymous of April 22. Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate the positive feedback. I am so glad to know that my work has been able to help you.

Thank you also for mentioning what first got you thinking about the harms of pornography. Do you have a link to that video of the porn "blooper"? I would be interested to have it if possible.

I wish you all the best on your journey towards greater understanding of harsh realities of the pornography industry. Please feel free to comment again whenever you like. :-)

Gwen said...

Very nice, very interesting. Everything she says is quite true, and I'm glad that people who used to be naive are getting an idea about what the porn industry is usually like.

And at the same time, I wish one of the pro-porn ladies would step up and write a list of her "25 Good Reasons Why Someone Might Want To Be a Porn Star"- showcasing the rationale behind their work and the positive experiences that can be had. Carol Queen, Tristan Taormino, Princess Donna . . . where are you guys?

I've always thought showcasing both sides- the bad and the good- is the best way to paint a true portrait and make your point more valid and logical (if it is, that is).

Glad I was able to read this!

Anonymous said...

How has porn become so mainstream? The origins of the rise of porn in the last 30 years can be laid to organized groups opening smut shops in many more locations. The internet topped all distribution methods.

Who are the main players in the industry? Majority are begins with a 'Z'

Could porn be viewed as a weapon against society? Yes, since the depictions of fictional encounters teach lessons to young minds that can lead to a 'JJ'

Who benefits from the malaise that porn causes? Medical Industry, Prison industrial complex

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi Anonymous of May 6.

I'm not sure what you mean by "Z" or "JJ". But in any case, I do agree with you that porn can certainly be viewed as as weapon against society. It sets up and encourages 50% of the human population - males - to be eternally waging war against the other 50% - females. (Including the mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, and female friends of all the males.) Very tragic circumstances.

Anonymous said...

control requires understanding, which requires knowledge backed by information. while i stand against the stated aim of this blog, i must thank the creator for trying to shed light on the state of the industry.

no matter the aim, the first step to obliterating fantasy is to portray reality and far too many enter ANY industry with only dreams in their heads.

of course, not all congratulations are in order; activist, if you were to publish this in another forum that did not explicitly have 'anti-pornography' in the title (or 'activist,' as that word tends to raise people's guard), the article might get more readership -especially from those whom i imagine you are trying to reach.

sadly, on the internet, just as with niche magazines, people seek information by pre-determined inclinations. i'd advise seeking a wider exposure for your thoughts -not by alienating your purpose, values or truth but by being less aggressive up front with your name. it is not dishonest, it is simply getting more people involved and interested by not putting them off (which i almost was).

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Dear Anonymous of June 20, 2008.

Thank you for your fair and thoughtful feedback. I appreciate it.

I chose the name of this blog for clarity, as I myself get frustrated by the names of some sites and blogs that don't clearly illuminate what they are about. That being said, your points regarding the name are well taken. Do you have any thoughts about what sort of name would communicate what this blog is about, yet not be potentially off-putting to someone like yourself? Please feel free to share if you do. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the eye opener, when guys like me watch porn we only see the edited stuff and fake "bought" smiles. Never the human emotions hiding underneath. I must say every man should read this if the watch porn, just to understand what is real. Sometimes we think these pornstars will have sex anytime anywhere and it polutes our judgment on sex.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Dear Anonymous (Male) of July 27, 2008,

You're very welcome for the eye opener. It's nice to know that my work is fulfilling its purpose, and that you have gained more empathy for others as a result of learning the truth of what really goes on behind the scenes in the pornography industry.

I thank you for your honesty, openness, insight, and your support. I really appreciate your sharing.

Anonymous said...

wow amazing stuff. i dont tend to read long articles like this but seriously great job. so much that they cover up to make it "sexy". thanks for the eye opener. sadly i think jenna was so pretty BEFORE the boob job and the harshness that her life entails. i guess like most things it looks more glamorous than it could ever be. hugs.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hi Anonymous of Aug. 1.

Thank you for your positive feedback. I really appreciate hearing that another person has had their eyes opened to the truth of the pornography industry.

And yes, the post is a long one, but on the bright side it is not long at all compared to the 592 page book from which the excerpts are extracted! However I still recommend to everyone to read the full book if they are at all interested in this issue. It is a compelling read, I promise you, with a lot more eye opening material in it.

Hugs to you too. :-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this info. You've shed a whole new light on the porn industry for me. It distorts our view of sex and sexuality and i wonder how kids who are now watching these things younger will see the world...

Anonymous said...

wow thanks for writing all that down, it took a long time to read couldnt imagine how long it took you to write. Thanks, it was very informative!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this article, it was highly informative and well written.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, this has been a real eye-opener, it really dispels all the fake stuff that pornstars say (eg. I'm in the industry because I love sex etc.) I think this is enough to put me off watching porn for life (I'm feeling very guilty right now for all I have watched!)

Jonas said...

Interesting read. I hope that you are still there anti-pornactivist.

I have to say, I watch porn and I have been aware of "all this" Jenna Jameson is talking about. I must say that I am amused by people who read your writing and are shocked to find out that a woman being in an industry that is about tits, ass, bodies, proudly I might add, may feel used and abused. Are you all blind, deaf and dumb? No offense.
I am aware of my own subconscious/conscious thinking of dirty and bad thoughts. I am aware of it, despite I watch it. Which I think makes me a prime candidate to speak from a POV that is "tainted" by both sides.
In the following text I will be completely honest - even if it makes me look bad and stupid, uncensored thoughts, feelings and opinions. It may seem vile and politically incorrect what I will be saying, but this isn't about looking good, it's about telling the truth (from my POV). The truth is, porn is degrading and we all know it and in fact we "love" it for that fact! There is no arguing that porn is degrading and you are even probably aware of it. I mean, how can you not? A woman is on her knees, with a penis in her mouth, dripping semen on her face and looking in to the camera and smiling, boxcover: "good cocksucking slut" and they make money of it. It's meant to be humiliating, to show "here is the good woman whore" and you as a guy is sitting there watching, seeing her being controlled and being "put in her place". You get off on it.
You are most definitely thinking it! Either you are aware of it or not on a conscious level and of course you deny it, to yourself and others. Certainly, you are not thinking "what a classy girl, her eyes are pretty". No, you are having dirty and degrading thoughts about her and what she is doing and you know it. That my friends are minds of people who enjoy degradation as a means to get off. In theory, there is nothing wrong with it, there is all kind of fetishes. Be ashamed of it, don't be ashamed of it, that's your call, but don't deny it. Cause denial is shame.
Porn is essentially a battle of the genders (except the women are always at the end of the shaft, no pun intended). A man being a man and a woman being a woman and to illustrate that and even reaffirm it: "here is a guy's penis, here is a woman on her knees sucking it, all is right with the world".
Porn is about a woman being dominated by a man, a woman being submissive, as that is our natural place, respectively, in nature (I sound sexist, huh? Keep reading). Men are the dominant gender and women are the submissive one. And I think as a society where we are told we are equals in every way (which is wrong, I'll get to that) all the time, we are being mindfucked on such a primal level it is screwing us up. So I think this reflects in the porn that is being made, especially the trend that porn has over the years gone to the more extreme side. And as with anything, there is a supply and demand. Meaning that the the audience wants to see women in the way they are being treated: not equal on every level, and dominated. But that doesn't necessarily mean that that is one's ultimate feelings about women in general. I for example, despite all that I've been saying, love strong women, I support equality, I am not attracted to or wish for a woman to be a housewife while I go and work. Not at all. So while I may come of as an old fossil, I'm not. Actually, this is not even a mindset, conscious or subconscious, I have in real life, it only manifests in porn. I think the frustration I have with "society" on a sexual and gender level, I vent from/with seeing these "fantasy women" getting screwed.
While I feel for pornstars real [negative] feelings about their pornwork, I never let it it influence my viewing pleasure, because I don't see real life humans on screen, only fantasy. And that is how you deal with all this. You can have the vilest thoughts about these women on screen, but you never go further than those you see on screen. I strongly believe that this is the way a lot of men feel. I also think this is the reason for why many won't admit to that porn is degrading. Cause then they would have to admit that they get off on women being degraded. But the thing is that it doesn't have to stretch to your real life. Cause people believe: "if I would admit to having these thoughts about woman in porn, then it must mean I feel this way about my wife or girlfriend that I love etc". Except it doesn't have to be that way!
I think, even if it's too simplistic, that men are fighting a war with their own nature. And the enemy is the programming society is trying to apply on to us. No one knows any more how to be a man, and if you know, people challenge it. There is no "woman" or "man", we are not separate genders with different strength and weaknesses anymore, that is not encouraged.
Note: Keep in mind that uncensored thoughts can come of as strong and can be misinterpreted easily, but try to be aware of it and you'll might get something out of this "confession", than "this guy is an ass/vile".

At the same time, you have people who are disgusted by porn, especially by the extremest kind. You have society telling a generation of men and women not to judge people, that you can do and enjoy any "activity" without any shame. That just leads to an absolute depravity. Is it any surprise that porn is getting more extreme and more and more young girls are looking to get in to the industry? And as a whole, people are getting dumber and dumber, it's about getting famous and being beautiful (although you may even not have a talent to be famous for or even be physically beautiful). Just look at MTV, that'll show you. LOL! And if we have such naive and stupid bait, you exploit it and go as far as being proud of it! Cause they are who and what they are, and you are just doing the same. And it's not just about the people getting off, it's also about the depravity of those that truly enjoy being depraved and having depraved things done to them and are even proud of it. That is the group of people no one ever talks about, the ones being abused and misused, some are aware of their filth and actually enjoy it. The ones that are proud to say "I am a whore" sincerely. A lot of people seem to be in denial of these kind of people existing, but they do exist. Not all have an excuse to why they are fucked up (i.e someone raped/molested me when I was a child), they just are. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can gain some insight about the problem and subsequent "solution". For "them" (the depraved), the question is (or at least should be): yes, it's depraved and degrading what we are doing, but why is that so wrong? At least that is honesty. And you can't say so much in response, cause what will the argument be when your "opponent" is admitting to what you are accusing them of? Nothing. But depravity is something that is the enemy of decency. Which is actually the goal of anti-porn people, but it's a word a lot of people are afraid to use nowadays, cause people will just label you as a supreme moralist or ***** (insert whatever). Ask yourself, what kind of society do we live in if "decency" is a word we have to be careful of using cause some people might take offense? So while there is nothing to say to such a person that at least has the audacity and honesty to admit to such things, you wage a war against it. Cause depravity's natural enemy is decency.
Decency is derived from religion, which societies has been, and still are, built upon, but religion is slowly dying and thus us is decency (unfortunate that you have to have religion for that).
But then we have this thing called "democracy", which makes it impossible to stop it.
One of the reasons to why democracy fails, everyone feels that they should be able to do anything and get away with it, if doesn't hurt anyone (although they are thinking in a very selfish manner). That is what democracy is essentially about. The idea is nice and we don't know of anything better, but people are hiding behind "democracy" and "freedom", to commit whatever nasty things they want, just as long as it isn't illegal. Democracy can only stand and watch. Its greatest strength is also its Achilles heal. People exploit this weakness.
Look at Melissa Lauren (extreme porn star), she is most definitely proud of her depravity. Where do you go from that? Some people are just sick and depraved and that is apparently their right to be. What kind of power does anyone have to do anything about it?

Confession time - in the mind of twisted:
There is a dark part of me that enjoys a dumb bimbo being screwed and to show her humility through the degradation of porn. There is also a part of me that enjoy seeing a woman that has been told she is equal to a man on each level, to be overpowered with physical strength (meaning he is stronger and thus she is weaker), dominated, penetrated and suddenly she realizes she isn't equal on all levels. It's a kind of a truth that is being broken in to thousand pieces and you get to see it unravel in front of your eyes, in their eyes. It becomes intimate and depraved as well.
And I think a lot of people think in this manner too, even though they may not admit to it or even be aware of it. Actually I've talked to guys online that have admitted exactly this! The only way they are willing to admit it is through anonymity. In fact, a lot of them have never gone that far in to their own minds regarding this subject and couldn't even articulate these thoughts, when I've spoken to them. Some have even said that on a subconscious level, they were aware of it, but didn't pay attention to it (hence the "not going far in their thoughts and couldn't articulate"), but it had always been there. It's extremely interesting! It's like a psychological defense, the mind is protecting them, just like the guys on this page who admit that they never can look at porn this way again and that they now feel "guilty"/"ashamed", after reading your site.
Especially in this day and age, where man is emasculated in every corner of society. Don't get me wrong, I like strong women and I am most definitely for equality between genders, but the people fighting for equality don't even understand it. It shouldn't be about hiding our different qualities, but embrace it! Cause we are different, a man and a woman are different. We are equals in worth, but we have different qualities that makes us who we are. Men are stronger with some things and women are weaker. Then we have women that are stronger with some things and men are weaker. But those fighting for equality today are delusional, they are selling the idea women and men are the same. No, we are not! And that is the beauty of being man or a woman, our differences. The fact that woman are painted as same as man (which is the main problem of this equality war, the women being presented as different than they are), reveals their idea that women should be more like men to be equal, cause they can't be an equal if they nurture the sensibilities that are exclusive to women. THAT my friends is sexist and just plain wrong!

Lastly, I want to say that I hate when pro-porn has this pre-conceived notion that anti-porn people is about anti-sex, it's not about that at all! Sex between people in private is great. But to expect strangers having sex in front of the camera and millions of viewers and making a business out of it and not expect any ramifications on to society, is just ridiculous! That is the furthest thing from sex. Sex isn't about entertainment for the masses.

PS. Mind you, I just went at it and started to type all this. So if I don't make any sense, forgive me. Also, I admit that I'm starting to question what I was trying to say or get at through this post. Maybe you'll find a "read thread/string"? After all this writing, I lost track. Oh well... I hope you get anything out of it. If there is something you want to debate, do quote the exact comment in your post please.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To anonymous commenters of Oct. 18 & 31, Nov. 6 & 26, and Jan 11:

You're very welcome, and thank YOU for your positive feedback. I really appreciate it. :-)

To Jonas:

Yes, I am still here, but with no time to post any new blog entries, let alone respond to or debate any of the points that you wrote. (Some of which are unfortunately based on some false assumptions... Too bad.)

So for now I will just have to say this:

1) Thank you for your brutal honesty. It is important that people are aware of the very harsh reality that you have shared, which sadly represents so many pornography users. Facing the truth is the necessary first step towards figuring out solutions for the issues that are being addressed here.

2) I am very sad for you that you don't have more compassion and empathy, and that you continue to take pleasure in the degradation and dehumanization of others, particularly because you have such clear awareness that you are doing exactly that. That being said, I am even sadder for any woman in your life now or in the future, and for all humanity. I can only hope that at some point you make the decision to treat others (i.e. women in porn) as you would want to be treated yourself, and to choose compassion, kindness and caring over the self-centered "pleasure" you take in depravity and the degradation and humiliation of women.

Anti-Pornography Activist

Anonymous said...

I'm having a problem, I'm addicted to porn, and I realize by myself that it's just like some sort of drug, it makes you "travel" from yourself and get away from the problems for sometime, but when it's over, everything seems so sick, STOP WATCHING THIS SHIT! IT'S A DRUG!

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anonymous of March 22:

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your honesty about how pornography has been harmful to you, and your intention to stop using it and to help others do the same.

I hope that if you have any trouble in stopping that you seek the support that you need. The following are a few resources that might be helpful to you:,, and (The first two provide professional one-on-one counseling, the second two provide online forums and support.)

Thanks again for sharing, and best wishes to you for much success.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for the list. A real eye-opener, even though I abstractly knew this was going on.

The porn business is obviously terribly exploitive and inhumane. But I'm not convinced that opposing porn *as such* is the answer. The fact that women are abused and degraded for cash doesn't make porn evil, any more than the fact that my pants are sown by Indonesian 11 year olds for $2 a day makes pants evil, or the fact that 60% of the world's cocoa supply comes from the Ivory Coast, a country with 200,000 child slaves, makes chocolate evil.

It's the magic of the market-place that conjures up all these situations.

Porn is not inherently awful; capitalism makes it awful, as it does with everything else. If these workers had powerful unions and effective regulations, if society guaranteed a secure existence for its members so that nobody had to degrade and prostitute themselves just to survive - then I think porn would stop being awful to everyone except the religious nuts. Unfortunately our capitalist system is not going to allow that.

Mark said...

The issue of the porn industry's problems is surprisingly one of the most "under-looked" social conflicts of today. I'm glad that articles like these are being posted publicly, because we really need to do a better job protecting fine women from ruining themselves in shallow sex acts that porno-ppl call "normal" and "fulfilling" and whatnot.

Women (and men... i suppose) need to be treated as the wonderful people they are or can become, let alone as a human being with dignity.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anonymous of April 2:

You're welcome.

To Mark of April 6:

Thank you for your profound and very true comments. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am 19, a male, and frequently view porn. I can't say I support pornography yet I can't say I'm against it. I've always been well aware of the points made in the above passage yet it's never bothered me enough to stop watching porn. Why, you may ask? Because these women (and men) are CHOOSING to participate in the acts portrayed in these movies. They are making a very deliberate and conscious choice. Would I ever make a porno? Never. But obviously there are thousands (maybe millions) of people who would.
The circumstances that porn stars perform under are not pretty, I get it. I personally don't think women should do it, but they do, and I am biologically turned on by watching them. Who can blame me? Porn is a healthy sexual outlet in small doses. It provides people with a way of feeding into their own sexual desires that they either cannot or are too embarrassed to engage in with their partners.
After writing this I realized that I sound completely pro-porn. However, I fully understand the opposing argument. I just view sex as natural. Give me your thoughts if you have time, APA.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hello Anonymous of 5/18. :-)

Thanks for your comment. I agree that sex is natural. However, a multibillion-dollar highly unregulated and health-harming industry profiting off of the use and exploitation of mostly abused and damaged young women is not. Please see "The Adult Film Industry: Time to Regulate?"
(Do a search.)

Re: sex, etc., this is from my YouTube channel:

"Note: This video channel is against pornography, prostitution, and sexual abuse, exploitation, and trafficking, but not against private erotica, personal private nudity, or non-public sex between consenting mature adults." (See definitions of "pornography" and "erotica" via the link at page top of blog.)

Re: "choice," this is from my YouTube FAQ:


-- Just because someone makes a choice that doesn't mean it's a healthy or good choice for them or for society in general. People frequently choose to use dangerous drugs or to inflict violence on others. That doesn't mean those choices are positive or ethical ones. If one cares about humanity it is important to speak up in order to encourage people to make healthier choices that will improve their lives & the overall condition of our society."

Also please see the video "Noam Chomsky on Pornography: The Price of Pleasure on DVD!"
(See my YT favorites.)

Finally, here's another YouTube FAQ of mine:



a) It's the right thing to do.

b) Silence is complicity, and that's not an option for anyone with a conscience.

c) "The only thing that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." -- Attributed to Edmund Burke.

d) "You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." -- Gandhi.

Lastly... it was once stated bluntly at the porn site 'gag factor (dot) com', that "Porn destroys women. That's why we love it." They are quite correct, pornography does destroy women -- both those in the industry and those outside of it. It also destroys girls, boys, and all men globally, and thus all humanity. It is a multibillion-dollar industry in which girls and women are commonly referred to as "bitches", "sluts", and "whores", and that sells products that promote the degradation of women as well as cruelty and abuse. (Examples include video titles such as: "Cum Face F**k Dolls", "Use 'Em, Abuse 'Em, and Lose 'Em 19", and "Human Toilet Bowls 3."
Note: All titles taken from Oct. 2008 AVN (dot) com charts of best selling, most rented, or most downloaded porn titles.)

So...we can all either just sit back and let pornographers continue to wreak havoc on the human race by allowing them to continue to spread misogyny, destroy human compassion and empathy, and to fuel international sex trafficking & sexual slavery, (and let them continue to "love" doing so), or we can choose to do something about it. This channel represents the choice to be part of the solution rather than remain silent and thus be part of the problem.

"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have."
-- Margaret Mead

Note: More helpful info is at my YouTube channel:
youtube (dot) com (forward slash) AntiPornographyBlog

Thank you for being open enough to consider what I have written.

APA :-)

chax said...

I'm a doctor in the Philippines. id like to tell you that what you did was really help full for lost people and with all respect i extend my deepest appreciation.

To miss Jenna:
its never to late to start your life clean. visit our country and i guarantee, you will find the love and the respect you think you lost.

Crow Bite said...

Hello, I'm from Brasil and we (about 500 people, amongst them several readers and some posters) run for two years already an antiporn community on orkut, for several reasons it wasn't possible to start some practical activism yet, but i hope it will be very soon, and your page will be of some help. Thanx for sharing, and if you happen to know portuguese (or want say something to be translated over to us) please contact us at Antipornografia community on orkut.

Crow Bite said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Crow Bite:
Thank you so much for the positive feedback and support. I really appreciate your kindness. I visited you at your anti-porn community on orkut and left a comment there.
Peace and best wishes to you for much success with your anti-porn community and your activism. :-)

Anonymous said...

APA - I appreciate all the work you've done on this blog to bring this to light. Please keep this up. It's a great resource and eye opener. I looked through your blog posts, the links, the youtube videos and it brought me to tears. Knowledge is power. Thank you again!

lucydee said...


Fantastic research and compilation. Although it was absolutely horrific, shocking, depressing and uncomfortable readind this it was absolutely worth it. I am writing my honours thesis about pornography and the prostiution of women, and as a feminist and as a woman I hope that no little girls go through what Jenna has been through. Sadly in our world I think this won't be the case. Nevertheless, all we can do is keep trying to make the world better and help women to respect and love themselves. Sisters, if we don't respect and love ourself, who the hell will?

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To anonymous of September 10, 2009:

You're very welcome. I was very touched that my work brought you to tears, and I really appreciate your sharing your thoughtful feedback with me. :-)

To lucydee:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I'm glad to know that this information that I've compiled has been helpful to you, and I'm thrilled that you are writing your thesis about the critically important issue of pornography. If your thesis is ever available online or you're willing to send it to me privately, please let me know, as I would be interested to read it.
I can only hope that if we all work together that we can help all women and girls love themselves enough to never enter the horrifically destructive worlds of pornography and prostitution.

Peace and much gratitude to both of you. And by the way, if you'd like to follow me on Twitter I now have an account there. All of my YouTube activities will be posted there automatically, as well as other current anti-pornography news and info. :-)

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Oops! I forgot to put my Twitter info:


You can always see my most recent tweets at the top right of my sidebar here at this blog. Plus a link to follow my tweets is there as well. :-)

Sufyia said...

Hi there, I'd really like to give you some feedback and thank you for providing such an informative and moving website. You're obviously passionately committed to this cause and I think you've opened a lot of peoples minds to the terribly sad truth behind pornography. Educating people is the first step and you really have done an incredible job.

Firstly I'd like to tell you my background in pornography (and I hope this isn't an overshare.) I'm a 22 yr old female and I would say by your standards, I have an addiction to porn. Porn has affected my own sexuality, I've reinacted degrading things I've watched online, allowed myself to be objectified, and totally deluded myself that I was being enpowered in this way. Before I came across your blog I didn't think twice about watching porn. I enjoyed it, I saw the acts as fantasies and this way I suppose I never had to consider the very real harm it inflicts on very real people. The first time I looked at porn I was sexually aroused by very conventional acts, as I became more and more intoxicated by the experience, I needed a bigger rush, a greater risk, something more. Now I have become so desensitized I can look at almost anything without shock or offense. I've indulged in the dehumanisation and humiliation of women. Perhaps if I were a male this could be easily explained but enjoying this aspect as a female conplicates the general assessment that men simply enjoy dominating women. I always though sadomasochism was a very passionate and raw sexual experience, and I genuinly believed the girls enjoyed what they were doing, maybe it's just a personal preference. Anyhow, since I learnt the horrible experience porn has been for some girls I can't bring myself to look at the things I once did. In short, I know see these women and men as people with stories and histories and, in some cases, acute misery and deep disturbances. I feel disillusioned...and very angry. I watched one of your video's in which a porn producer says that it's society that demands more extreme porn and that they are just giving us what we want. I strongly disagree. As I said I was quite happy watching tame porn (by tame porn I really do mean tame, photos and text- not films, kissing, touching, erotic language etc) but with the availability and variety or porn I was lead further and further into its sick imagination. Just look at how much porn has changed since the 60's. I believe that porn manipulates the viewer, it's a lie. I was shocked to hear about the conditions on porn sets- bloody towels, tears, coercion, pain and humiliation, not to mention disease. to make any real change this needs to be publicised more. I think a lot of people are like I was- we aren't monsters, we just believe porn is as glamourous and exciting as it appears, we buy into the lie.

I think pornstars themselves need to be educated about these issues. A lot of them seem to firmly believe that their choice to do porn affects no one but themselves (Sasha Grey for example). By saying this they are denying the massive social implications that range from body image issues to the rape and abuse of women.

Needless to say after fully exploring your blog, I feel utterly ashamed of myself. I am giving up porn! You really are either part of the solution or part of the problem, silence is complicity. If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

I'd like to donate and I wanted to know how you use your funds?

Sincere thanks. Peace.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Dear Sufyia,

Thank you so much for your incredibly moving feedback. Knowing that my work was able to make a difference in your life definitely made my day. :-)

That being said, I was profoundly saddened to learn about the harmful effects that pornography has had on your life. (Although needless to say I was not surprised, as I am painfully aware that pornography is harming people's lives by the millions all over the world on a daily basis, just like it did with you, which is why I'm so dedicated to this work.)

I sincerely hope that in time you can overcome the negative consequences of your past pornography exposure and use, and fully embrace your own true, natural, un-pornified, healthy and beautiful identity, humanity and sexuality. I believe that with ongoing love, support, positive education, and whatever sort of therapeutic help is best for you, that this is indeed very possible. :-) (I will post a separate entry below this with porn addiction recovery help in case you are interested, and also for the benefit of anyone else who might be reading these comments.)

In any case, I am deeply heartened to know that you are now aware of the very unglamorous truth of pornography and will no longer be subjecting yourself to its insidious effects, nor contributing to the greater problem of pornography in our society by any use of it. Well done on being open enough to recognize and accept the truth when it was presented to you, and for being willing to act upon it by doing the right thing for yourself and for others. You're setting an excellent example for everyone, both men and women, who have unfortunately fallen into the same trap of lies and distortions that you did, by proving that it is never too late to turn things around for the better. :-)

To acknowledge what you said, yes, I know that you and many people who use porn regularly, (or have in the past), are not monsters or bad or evil people. You were victimized by the porn industry, and you have every right to feel angry about that. Pornographers lied to you and manipulated you and your sexuality in order to turn you into a regular user or addict so that they could have a lifelong customer. That is their goal, and they are very clear about this in numerous places on their industry websites, etc. More people *should* be angry about this and be taking a stand against it, so I'm very glad that you are rightfully upset and speaking up about it . One of the many goals I have with my work is of course to awaken pornography users to the fact that they have been lied to and manipulated, so that they will no longer be able to be used and and abused by mercenary pornographers who don't care about the very real and damaging consequences of their "products" and their industry, as long as they continue to make their selfish and unethical profits, so I'm very glad that I have accomplished that with you.

Although it is understandable that you feel some guilt and shame about your past use of pornography and how you bought in to all of the degrading and dehumanizing lies that were fed to you, please don't be too hard on yourself. You can't change the past, and you're doing all that you can now to be part of the solution to a better life for yourself and a better world for everyone. Just sharing your story here was a very important and helpful thing to do for both you and the cause in general. :-)

Continued below...

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Part 2 of reply to Sufyia:

Regarding sharing advice with you, if you mean in regards to what you can do to help address the general societal problem of pornography, please see my post on this blog "101 Things You Can Do To Combat the Harms of Pornography", (link near page top), and also the list of things a person can do to help that I have posted on my YouTube channel. A good thing you could do to start your new pornography-free life would be signing the No Porn Pledge at (You can just give a first name and state, so you can basically remain anonymous.) Another very helpful thing would be if you would post your story that you have posted here in the comments section of my YouTube channel, as many people read those comments there. (Please note that there is a 1000 character limit there, so you'll have to condense your story, break it into parts, or both.) Regarding any other sort of advice, I would be more than happy to help you, so please just let me know what sort of advice you're looking for and I will do my best to assist you. :-)

Regarding your very kind and thoughtful offer to donate, I am deeply honored and grateful. Any donated funds will go towards supporting further anti-pornography Internet activism, as well as the purchasing of books, DVDs, and other supplies needed for research, etc. Specifically at this time my efforts are focused mainly on my YouTube work, as that is where I've been able to reach the greatest number of people and bring about the greatest changes in people's lives. (Please see the channel comments section of my YouTube channel for many inspiring examples of this if you're interested. There are literally hundreds of them there.) I have gotten over 6.5 million views of my videos at YouTube, reaching approximately 2 million users, which is great, but I know that it is entirely possible to reach *hundreds* of millions of people, and change countless lives for the better, if this sort of work is properly funded and supported. (Note: I can give you more specific details privately regarding specific application of donated funds if you require them.)

Any donations that you or anyone wishes to make can be done via the paypal donation button on this site, or if you wish to make a tax-deductible donation that will go to me via an official nonprofit organization that is fighting against sexual exploitation and abuse, with whom I have worked in the past and which is supportive of my work and that acts as my nonprofit fiscal sponsor, I can let you know how to do that. (Just let me know that you're interested in doing that by contacting me via private e-mail at YouTube or MySpace, (, or leave me an e-mail address of yours in a comment here, and I will contact you directly and give you the necessary information. I won't publish your e-mail address publicly on this blog or anywhere else or share it with anyone. It will be just for my own personal information and use. I would provide my own e-mail address here for you and others, but when I did that once before publicly, I got deluged immediately with literally thousands of spam e-mails, as well as my account being used to send out thousands of spoof e-mails, so I can no longer do that.)

Thank you again for your extremely touching and heartfelt feedback. Regardless of whether you make a financial donation or not, you have already contributed something very important to the cause that is truly priceless, which is the sharing your story, so I am already deeply grateful. I know that your very honest and sincere testimonial will definitely touch others in a very profound and meaningful way and that it will most certainly make a difference.

Best wishes to you for a happy, healthy, and fulfilling pornography-free future.

APA :-)

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Porn Addiction Help and Resources:

Note: Please seek professional help if you feel you need it and are able to. Here are a few options for places that can provide it: (Please note they also provide a great deal of useful information on all of their web sites.) (They do counseling via the Internet as well as in person.)

If you are not willing or able to seek professional help, or in addition to doing so, please seek assistance from an online porn addiction support group if you feel you need it, as most of the people in such communities are going through porn addiction recovery now, or have in the past, so they understand the problem very well and are usually very helpful and supportive. Here are some suggestions below:
(These sites also have a lot of general helpful information and good tips for assisting a person to quit using porn.)

Also, here are a couple of references to help you find the best filtering and accountability software for you, if you are interested and it would be helpful to you: (Accountability software: free version available.)

You might also find it helpful to read all of the information about pornography on my YouTube channel page, (, and in the description areas of my playlists, but particularly to read the information in the description area of my porn addiction playlist. Of course I also recommend watching all of the videos in my porn addiction playlist as most people have found that to be very helpful.

Additionally, I have created a special playlist of all of the videos from the Inner Gold channel, all of which specifically address porn addiction and give you many tools to deal with it.

I hope this information is helpful to you or whoever might need or want it in the future.


APA :-)

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Sufyia re donating via PayPal on this site:

In case you were interested in donating that way, it won't be possible for a couple of days. (I just discovered that I need to do some sort of reactivation or something with my PayPal account. I'm not sure why.) I will post that donations are possible again with that method when I've taken care of this, or you can connect with me privately and I will share the info on the other alternatives. Thanks for your patience! :-)

Sufyia said...

Dear APA,
Thankyou for your quick response, kindness and advice.

I think the reason I feel so terrible is because I've always been bewildered by how ordinary 'good' people can be seduced by power and domination (sexual, social or political). I feel guilty for advocating porn and the sexualization of women, and proclaiming that I was being some postmodern, empowered feminist in doing so; everything I've so firmly believed in has been shattered. But I am glad that my illusion has been broken, people need to know the truth.

To all porn users- you can change, I know it is hard (we're not only fighting a habit, but restructuring the way we think about sex and men/women), but as human beings, our most important asset is our mind, and it is being polluted and distorted by pornography.

To APA- I'm sure we'll speak again, from my heart and soul, thankyou.

"Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody." -Henry Wadsworth

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Dear Sufyia,

Nice to hear from you again. :-)

The usual manner that 'good' people are seduced by pornography, (and/or power or domination, etc.), is the same way that you were: lack of education about the truth combined with exposure to false propaganda. And what will set those people free from that trap is what worked for you: education. Which is why this blog is here. However, myself and a few other hard-working activists cannot do it all ourselves. The porn industry and others who wish to profit off of sexual exploitation, etc. have enormous financial and technological resources at their disposal. So it's going to take every single person who is aware of the truth to do their part in reaching as many people as possible. As I'm sure you're aware, there are countless porn-using or pro-porn young women all across the world who have bought into all of the lies that porn is in some bizarre way "empowering" and/or "feminist," and they desperately need to be reached and informed.

Because you were so recently one of those unfortunately uneducated and misinformed individuals, you can fully understand and relate to their mindset, and therefore are in the best possible position to connect with them and positively influence them. So once you've regained your equilibrium after such a drastic shift in your perspective, I sincerely hope that you seriously consider reaching out in whatever way is best for you to all of the many young women out there who are still so sadly misguided and deluded. In other words, you can very much use what you've been through to significantly help humanity. In doing so, you will not only be helping others, but whatever guilt you have regarding your past involvement with pornography can and will be greatly diminished -- I promise you. ;-)

Thank you for that excellent quote that you shared. I couldn't agree more. So let's both knock as loud and as hard as we can and wake up as many more people as possible. (Perhaps you could use your new blog. It has an excellent name for the purpose: "Humanity." :-)

Feel free to contact me privately via MySpace or YouTube if you wish to communicate further and want it to be private.

Peace and best wishes to you,

APA :-)

Note: In case you or anyone else is interested, secure and confidential donations are now once again possible via the donation buttons on this blog, and are officially nonprofit and tax-deductible. (The anti-trafficking organization Captive Daughters is my nonprofit fiscal sponsor.) Please see full information below the donation button near the bottom of this blog. Thanks. By the way, one of the reasons I'm not that active on this blog is because my volunteer work taking care of my YouTube channel is enough to keep at least three people busy full-time 24/7. (6.5 million video views and counting! :-)) There are literally millions of pro-porn people there, including countless numbers of them who like to post beneath my videos in the comments section. I encourage you and anyone else who's reading this to please go and help out by responding to some of them in order to set them straight and to let them know that degrading and dehumanizing pornographic exploitation is NOT in fact "liberating" or "empowering" -- for women or anyone.Thanks. :-)

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I have watched the interview about Sasha Grey as well as read the 25 good reasons. I am 19 years old, female. I have had thoughts of being in this industry. But I understand why. When I was a child, I was molested by my father for 4 years. I told no one until I was 16. That person happened to be my mother. Someone I never ever went to. I was exposed to porn at a young age (I did not want it, I assure you.) Soon started watching it willingly when I got older. This is a confession, but I found some of the degrading acts to be a turn on because i was reinacting the events from childhood. I am not proud of this but it is the truth. It is embaressing as well. I am trying to find the correct help. But my main point is to say that any woman deserves better. I was treated like that outside of the industry. Its not something anyone should experience.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anon. of Nov. 22, 09:

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. That being said, I'm so sorry to hear about the heartbreaking experiences that you went through as a child. Sadly you're not alone, as millions of children have been through similar experiences, including being exposed to pornography and having it be used as part of their abuse, thereby insidiously conditioning their sexual responses in a very unhealthy manner from that point on. (See: "How Adult Pornography Contributes To Sexual Exploitation of Children." 3 . ly / rBr)

What your story demonstrates so well and so disturbingly is how so many young women end up either using pornography or participating in the industry, or both, because of how sexual abuse, pornography, or both have been normalized in their life as a child.

So truthfully, when people use pornography, (who are mostly male), perhaps they should keep in mind that they are quite possibly taking pleasure in the exploitation of someone who may only subjecting themselves to the degrading and unsafe acts that most pornography is full of it because they are victims of former abuse.

More specifically, so many young women are only in pornography because they are psychologically damaged from that former abuse, and to them dehumanizing pornography feels safe, familiar, and sometimes even arousing, because it is what they are used to and what they have been conditioned to accept and respond to since they were children.

Participation in pornography also gives them much-needed validation, even if shallow and false, which these young women seek out as a substitute for authentic love and caring, because they invariably have very low self-esteem because of their former abuse and will accept any form of attention they can get. Additionally, and as your comment demonstrates, these damaged young women often feel *compelled* to reenact their earlier abuse, and, like you, sometimes even find it arousing. (While usually being unaware of the motivation behind their actions and arousal.)

These women almost always mistakenly explain their choices, actions and responses to degrading sex by saying how much they just "love sex," and that the highly abusive sex in porn is actually fun and "empowering," despite how clearly it is harming them physically and emotionally. Sadly, due to lack of awareness and lack of treatment of the underlying causes, these same misguided young women usually find it extremely difficult to stop this vicious cycle of perpetuating their own exploitation. (In my YouTube video series, "Teen Prostitute on Tyra", Dr. Drew Pinsky addresses this in Pt 2/3.)

In any case, I'm so glad that despite what you went through as a child, that you were at least able to save yourself from entering into the extremely exploitative porn industry, which of course would have only lead to further abuse. I can only hope those who read your story are touched by your very important and heartfelt words, and choose to not participate in their own sexual exploitation or contribute to that of anyone else.

Request: Could you please you post your comment on my YouTube channel page? Many people insist that most of the young women in the porn industry are emotionally healthy and "just love sex!" Your story can help enlighten them. Thanks. :-)

Finally, thank you for what you referred to as your main point regarding pornography: "Any woman deserves better. I was treated like that outside of the industry. Its not something anyone should experience." Thank you for stating that very important truth so eloquently.

Best wishes to you in finding the right help so you can heal as best as possible from the abuses of your past. I hope you can get the effective and compassionate treatment that you so rightfully deserve. I wish for you, as I wish for everyone -- especially all sexual abuse victims and survivors, a very happy, healthy, and fulfilling life free from any further abuse or exploitation, and full of peace, joy and love. :-)

Byrd said...

What's your opinion on gay porn or pornography depicting dominatrixes? Really curious. I've been going over your blog all evening and being a sadomasochistic female who was quite a late bloomer as far as her peers were concerned with sex and whom also worked in the industry briefly (and still freelances from time to time), I've yet to see myself in all this. YES many women have turned to this lifestyle because they're "damaged", there's no denying that. But have all? I was not abused in any way as a child.

...and once again, what about scenes where women are absent or the ones in power? Gay porn where one man is usually the "victim" or Domme porn where the man is usually subject to all kinds of physical abuse from a latex-clad woman with a whip.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Hello Byrd. :-)

Thank you for your comment. Regarding gay pornography, I'm against all pornography that qualifies per the definition of pornography that I have provided on this blog, whether it's heterosexual porn, gay porn, lesbian porn or any other type of pornography. (See link to the definition of pornography that I use, as distinct from "erotica," near the top of this blog.) Unfortunately the vast majority of gay pornography does qualify as "pornography" rather than erotica per those definitions, because of the power dynamics and cruelty involved. So in short, most gay pornography is equally as sexist, degrading, and dehumanizing as the vast majority of heterosexual mainstream pornography is.

A helpful reference which explains what I mean about this in more detail is:

"Gay Male Pornography: an Issue of Sexism," by Christopher Kendall. (This article is online, so you can search for it.)

This quote from it below summarizes the main point made in the article:

"In sum, gay male pornography encourages all that is masculinity (read "male" socially defined). Thus, in addition to encouraging male aggression resulting in physical harm, it also goes a long way in maintaining systemic inequality by promoting rather than undermining a gender hierarchy in which "male" is top and "female" (read all women and those gay men who fall or choose not to conform to the male construct and who are thus socially feminized) is bottom. Like heterosexual pornography, it thus glorifies those in our society who have always had the most power and who have benefited from male dominance and social inequality: white, able-bodied straight men. The result for society is a sexual politic based on a male/female dichotomy, a split between power and powerlessness, top and bottom."

Christopher Kendall has also written the book "Gay Male Pornography: an Issue of Sex Discrimination." I highly recommend it if you're interested in learning more about this subject after reading the full article that I've recommended.

Regarding dominatrixes, etc., the same points basically apply. If the pornography is about one participant having more power than the other, and involves degradation, humiliation, dehumanization, etc., it doesn't concern me which person of which gender is playing which role. I'm still against it for the same reasons that I am against most heterosexual pornography. I don't believe that it's OK to degrade or humiliate anyone -- sexually or otherwise -- including if it's a woman doing that to a man.

I hope that answers your questions. :-) Thanks for being open enough to read my blog, and for being polite when asking questions. I appreciate your being respectful.

Peace and best wishes to you,
APA :-)

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Regarding unpublished comments of December 28 and 29, 2009: (Which were not published as they are not relevant, as they were not based on my actual position about pornography which I have clearly stated.)

To anonymous commenter of December 28:

I don't have the power to stop you or anyone from doing anything, whether buying pornography, masturbating to pornography, or participating in pornography. What I do is provide information for those who are interested so that people can make informed choices about these various activities. That is all. And FYI, the performers in pornography are actually having real live sex, which is usually unsafe, unprotected, and often physically harmful and damaging. As opposed to mainstream movies, they are not "acting" as if they are having sex, they are REALLY having it. And it is often really harmful, leading to diseases and injuries, etc. (Search for the article "The Adult Film Industry: Time to Regulate?", which addresses this unfortunate reality in depth.)

To anonymous commenter of December 29: (Who may be the same person as the previous commenter.)

I'm not in favor of the banning of pornography and have stated that repeatedly in various places on my blog, my YouTube channel, my MySpace page, etc. I also state repeatedly what I am in favor of instead: Education of consumers and performers, fair and reasonable regulation of the porn industry for the health and safety of the performers, and regulation of Internet pornography so that people can opt out of having it as part of their Internet service if they choose to. (See

May I respectfully suggest to both of you that the next time you choose to comment somewhere, that you fully inform yourself of someone's position rather than jumping to conclusions. Posting comments that include misguided assumptions and false projections because you have not informed yourself of the position of the original poster only waste your time and energy as well as mine. May I also politely suggest that you both read the rest of this blog that you haven't already read, and most especially that you read my "Responses to Frequently Asked Questions & Pro-Porn Arguments." (Posted at the quicker loading version of my blog.) There is a link to this FAQ at the top of this page, or you can copy and paste this URL here:

Peace and best wishes to both of you and to all for clarity and compassion in 2010.

Anonymous said...

If there was a way to make pornography without objectifying women and with a strict set of regulations to avoid issues such as STDs, i.e. STD tests before each shoot for every performer, then perhaps there would be no objection to porn.

But honestly, is there a way to make porn without objectifying? Women are objectified in almost every other profession. If people can objectify a politician or lawyer, someone who is fully dressed, how can they not objectify pornstars. Perhaps it is a sign of the perverted nature of people that the porn industry has thrived, or a sign of declining moral standards. But objectification in porn is different to objectification in reality. I personally can watch porn without it affecting my respect of women at all, but I assume that I am one of few. I think that as a society the objectification of women is a serious issue, and I assume that porn existing doesn't help, but I think that if everyone was able to watch pornography without objectifying women in reality, it would be less objectionable. But I don't think that is going to happen.

I also object to all the crazy things that happen in porn, like choking, BDSM and ass-to-mouth. I know that there are a select few people that enjoy that sort of thing, but violence shouldn't be erotic, nor should eating feces.

I freely admit to watching porn, but I am not proud of it. And I try to watch pornstars in order to stay away from the whole porn slave thing and people that really don't want to be (or shouldn't be) in this industry, but reading that Jenna Jameson had these experiences, and lied about why she did porn when I would've thought she was okay with the situation, makes me wonder how many other pornstars that I thought had no objections have objections. I would like a list of videos that are safe to watch. I assume it would be very short.

I apologise for the unstructured content of this comment, as I really just wrote freely and spent no time editing, but I do agree with the ideals you put forward.

However, that doesn't mean I will stop watching porn. If I was to use my imagination to masturbate I would have to imagine people I knew, which would be even worse objectifying, so I would prefer to masturbate over anonymous women.

Perhaps there is a more ideal way for all this. I really hope so.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anonymous of December 30, 2009:

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you understand the true degrading nature of most current pornography.

I would like you to consider the fact that there are indeed many men of integrity who do not use any pornography whatsoever , and I am sure that you could become one of them if you really set your mind to it. I support that effort. Perhaps you might wish to check out this blog here, which could assist you in that goal:

No offense intended, but actions speak louder than words, and watching porn is not an act of respect towards women. So although you may say that you respect women, and watching porn doesn't change that, I would politely disagree. Supporting the porn industry in any way, whether by buying porn or by watching it, is an act of disrespect towards all women. Just imagine if that woman that you were masturbating to was your daughter. The truth is is that she is someone's daughter and it is disrespectful to use her for your selfish and transitory masturbatory pleasure, even if she is consenting for that purpose. (Please bear in mind that it is likely that she is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, as most women in the porn industry are.)

You wrote... "reading that Jenna Jameson had these experiences, and lied about why she did porn when I would've thought she was okay with the situation, makes me wonder how many other pornstars that I thought had no objections have objections."

To respond to this, the answer is yes, most porn performers do indeed have objections but are lying to the public about this. They have to. That's part of their job. If they didn't lie about this they would have no livelihood. I suggest that you watch the videos of former porn stars that I have at my YouTube channel, especially those of Shelley Lubben, which will tell you all about this.

Please note that there are other alternatives regarding pornography than those that you proposed. You could just fantasize about an imaginary woman and respectful scenarios while masturbating. You don't have to mentally imagine a real woman that you personally know while fantasizing, or use pornography that contains real women.

Thanks for your honesty, and for being open enough to at least think about the harmfulness of pornography to those involved and to women in general.

Best wishes for living a life of integrity where you can be proud of yourself and all of your actions. If others can do it so can you. Go for it. ;-)

Anonymous said...


I know sadly all too well the effects of even "soft-core" pornography's sexist ojectification of women,because I was repeatedly treated as nothing but a sex object,and grabbed at in my crotch and breasts as a big busted beautiful girl by many teen boys,2 of the many who treated me this way repeatedly, used pornography but this was in 1979 so hardcore wasn't mainstreamed and accessible like now. One of these 15 year old boys made 2 verbal references to the women in Playboy and another shoved a pornographic magazine into my face and said,Here is a picture of a girl fingering herslf! Not that it ever justifies it in any way,but I just wanted people to know that I wore no make up and never wore any provocative clothes.

When I was 25 in 1990 (before pornography was even on the internet and not nearly as mainstreamed) I spoke to Rhea Becker at the now sadly former feminist Women's Alliance Against Pornography & Education Project .I spoke to her off and on until January 1993 and I asked her to send me any information on the harms of pornography and she sent me a lot. I told her that when a lot of men come to my house to fix or deliver things,they made sexist and inappropriate sexual comments and stared at me which made me uncomfortable and that I never wore provative clothes and had little and sometimes no make up on.I told her they were treating me like I was just someting to F*ck,and she said yes and that all comes from pornography.I had so many experiences like this even when I was as young as 13 by some men even and it really was sexual harassment.Rhea also told me that my experience of being sexually abused by boys or men who use pornography is very common and that she knew quite a few women who had similar experiences.She also always said we live in a society that hates women. And she once said most men hate women and then they marry them. And women give birth to sexist woman-hating pornography users! A woman having a son is the same exact thing as a Jew giving birth a to a Nazi or a black person giving birth to a Klu Klux Klan member or any other racist! I feel sorry for any kind women or geunine feminists who have sons!

I couldn't walk down the hall without some sexist degrading comments made by many other boys as well about how big busted I was and they also grabbed at another big busted girl who wasn't even pretty. But it wasn't just teen boys,when I was 14 I was sitting on the artroom steps with a boyfriend and the artroom teacher who was at least in his late 20's early 30's said to a whole room full of 15 year old boys that the boy I was sitting with said it was his turn after his.I'm sure he was a porn user too and got the attitude I was just a thing for boys and men to use for sex and take turns with! I actually am in some way a little "lucky" that this was in 1979 when images of men ejaculating on women's faces and bodies wasn't mainstreamed and all over the place,(back then women were just things to feel,f*ck and forget,now we are nothing but things to feel,f*ck,ejaculate all over on,call woman-hating names and forget! we have really come a long way baby!)because then they wouldn't just have grabbed at my breasts and crotch,but would have ejaculated or at least tried to on my face and breasts!

When I was 17 a school evaluator said that a lot of guys are going to want to get down my pants! Where do we think the teenage boys learn these kinds of sexist,woman-hating dehumanizing attitudes towards women from,the whole sexist,woman-hating male dominated sick society,the pornography that came from it,and the adult men who use it and are influenced by it all.Dr.Michael Flood said to me in an email back in 2002 after I told him about my experience,that he has no doubt on the connection of young men's pornography use and their sexual abuse of girls and women.And there is plenty of research and testimonies of girls and women about this.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To anonymous of April 10, 2010, 8:52 p.m.:

Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your story. Needless to say I agree with you completely about how harmful pornography is.

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through as the result of the effects of pornography on men and boys in our society. I hope that your story will help convince people about the harmfulness of pornography and encourage many males to stop using it.

Peace and best wishes to you.

regretful said...

Thanks for this blog post!

I'm a 23 year old woman who has been looking at porn for about 5 years now. I've actually known most of these 'truths about the porn industry' all along, yet continued to use porn anyway. The best way I can explain it is that in the heat of the moment, I sought out porn to aid with masturbation, and temporarily ignored my intellectual disagreement with porn.

I was exposed to porn at the very young age of 12, thanks to a careless family member who stupidly left pornographic files saved onto the family computer, and pornographic magazines and VCDs in unlocked drawers. At that age, I was disgusted by the acts described. Yet, after continued exposure over the years, I became totally desensitised to the rough, filthy and hateful acts portrayed, and lost empathy for the women in the scenes. I found pleasure by relating to the male actors in the scene, as it was obvious to me that the women were just faking enjoyment/ barely concealing immense discomfort.

Right now, I've made up my mind to give up porn for the rest of my life. It's not just because of the harm done to the porn actresses. It's also because of the harm I've done to myself. My lack of empathy makes me feel like I've turned into a monster. I've lost all interest in sex; my head is too filled with images from porn. I can't take part in 'vanilla' sex without being reminded of the despicable things I've watched and feeling turned off by those images. I carry around this feeling of guilt everyday; I've helped destroy some women psychologically, and inadvertently watched actual rapes. Those images will haunt me forever.

I don't know if I can ever heal fully by abstaining totally from porn. I guess I deserve it for the harm I've caused to others. I'm hopeful that maybe in years to come, I can heal somewhat; but I have a feeling I'll be scarred for life.

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Greetings Regretful. :-)

Thank you so much for sharing your extremely moving story. And very well done for quitting porn forever! I'm very proud of you for doing the right thing for yourself, for all women and children, and for society in general.

I have posted your story on the Harm Stories page of my main website at, (where over 100 other personal stories are also posted), and you're welcome to check out that page here:

Sadly what you experienced in regards to pornography is becoming increasingly more common among young people in our ever more pornified society. However, it doesn't have to be that way. Change IS possible, but it will only happen if all of us do everything we can to turn things around.

Sharing your story publicly is already a very important contribution, but if you would like to contribute even more to being part of the solution to a better world, (which I do recommend as the best way to deal with any guilt about past transgressions), please do feel free to do either of the following:

1) Check out a list of the many things that you can do to help at this page below and then do what feels right to you:

2) Volunteer to help with our newly forming nonprofit organization

Much help is needed to do all the work that is required to: 1) reach the millions of people around the world who need education and support to turn their lives around, and 2) prevent further harm from happening to young people in the way that happened to you.

In any case, whatever you decide to do from here on out, please always remember that you can give your painful past meaning by continuing to speak out against the harms of pornography, and by continuing to share your powerful story with others so that they don't end up with the same regrets that you now have.

Best wishes to you for very rapid healing and recovery, and for a healthy, happy, porn-free life,

Founder Nonprofit Organization

Anonymous said...

have been trying to post a comment here, have the whole thing typed but can post it for some reason.
so am gonna upload the text file and post the address here..

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

To Anonymous of January 30:

I've noticed that sometimes comments won't post here when they are too long (too many characters), or they have more lines than Blogger wants you to post. (I.e. too many spaces between paragraphs even though you're not over the character limit.)

Anyway, I didn't see any additional posts from you with any Web addresses or any other info. But please do feel free to try posting again in the future! :-)

Y said...

As a guy, I find these personal testimonies from porn stars themselves to be really insightful, and morally inspiring. Whenever I have the bad urges, I read these to get to the truth behind the matter. The fact that these girls are literally heartbroken is strong enough. I know what heartbrokeness and loneliness feel like, and so I get sad for them, and that sadness makes me see them in a different light - they have an innocent 'princess-like' quality embedded deep within them and which is the pinnacle of womanhood. This is a powerful thought that all guys addicted to porn need to know.

Jenna's key quote for me was: "My heart is a gypsy – continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don’t really know what the urgency is I feel: Loneliness or complete heartbreak?"

Anti-Pornography Activist :-) said...

Greetings Y of June 5,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! It's great to know that this post has helped to humanize women in porn for you and that reading it will help keep you away from porn in the future. That is EXACTLY the purpose of it, so it's great to hear that it is continuing to accomplish what it was intended to do.

Feel free to check out more personal stories of porn stars and others harmed by porn at my organization's website

Take care and best wishes to you! :-)