“The Day My 11-Year-Old Son Found Violent Porn on the Web” (With advice to parents on how to handle children’s exposure to porn)
Here’s a story below on the sad reality of what millions of children and their parents are dealing with in regards to pornography — all around the world… So tragic…
NOTE: Needless to say we disagree with this part here: “We also talk about how sometimes women choose to go into the sex industry and that when the work is on their terms, that’s OK.” We disagree with this because porn is still usually harmful to the participants, even if they chose it, and it is still usually harmful to the viewers, their partners, and children exposed to it, not to mention that it fuels rape, other forms of sexual abuse and sex trafficking.
But other than that the article has some good insights and is worth reading, especially by parents. So please check it out and share it with the parents you know!
[The Independent - UK] — Last week my son told me he had watched something horrible online. Something sexual where the young women involved seemed coerced into an act that was brutal and disgusting, not just to an uninitiated 11-year-old, prone to anxiety, but to anyone with a shred of humanity. Something that was instantly viewable at the touch of a smartphone button. Something I now know many have already seen.
He watched it because one of his new friends told him he should – because it was “funny”. He is finding it hard to make friends at his new secondary school and wanted to fit in. He didn’t know what he was going to see.
I know this because, from that particular day, I noticed my son becoming withdrawn. He seemed sullen and easily upset. I knew something was wrong and asked several times if he was OK. Clearly he wasn’t.
During a family walk a few days later, we talked about school, how his life was changing and how he and his best friend had grown apart. Then, that evening, as I was bidding him and his brother goodnight, he said he needed to talk. So we went into my bedroom and he told me everything. He said he had been horrified watching a short video online but was unable to stop thinking about it. He told me he couldn’t “unsee” it, and how he felt his childhood was effectively over. He had not told me anything as he thought I’d be angry with him.
So I’m left cuddling my son, who is strung between childhood and adolescence. He tells me that everything is moving too fast. We talk about his observation that you can’t “unsee” stuff. We talk about how you can’t go backwards. And we talk about the importance of moving forward. I tell him how he needs to grow older so that the world can have a great man in their midst.
Then we talk about the porn industry and how often it portrays women as passive beings. We talk about how women in the video he saw are real people, forced into very unpleasant situations – perhaps mums and sisters, certainly daughters – and we talk about how very far from “funny” videos like these really are. We also talk about how sometimes women choose to go into the sex industry and that when the work is on their terms, that’s OK.
We talk about why people might access porn. That being curious is completely natural. We talk about the difference between what he watched that was brutal and violent and something that the majority of people might find titillating.
I am looking at this through the eyes of my 11-year-old. He can see that there are gradations of porn. Some of it, though an unrealistic view of sex between two consenting adults, is bearable and allows you to retain a basic positive belief in the world. But then there is the degrading, shockingly violent porn that showed him a dark underbelly of an online world that until that moment was largely populated by Minecraft and Harry Potter. Faced with this hideous new information, he simply doesn’t know where to file it.
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