Being porn: On boudoir photography and sad stagettes | Feminist Current
Read this great post on women “being porn” for their partners, written by the always eloquent and insightful Meghan Murphy of Feminist Current ~ HINT: Acting like a porn performer yourself to please your partner will never satisfy him, and it’s not a solution to your partner’s porn watching!
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POST EXCERPT:
According to a recent article in The Daily the new hot thing for marrieds or soon-to-be-marrieds is porn. Ha! Obviously right? But this isn’t just any porn, it’s fiancée porn! Starring you!
It’s called boudoir photography and the idea is that, supposedly, gifting your husband with his very own wifey porn will stop him from consuming strange lady porn online.
The Daily quotes Dallas-based wedding photographer Lynn Michelle as saying: “A lot of women do boudoir because they’re afraid their fiancés are looking at porn and they’d rather them be looking at her.”
First of all, that strikes me as all kinds of stupid. If your husband/fiancé wants to watch porn he’s going to watch porn. I seriously doubt that, just because you’ve produced your own private monogamy-themed porn for him, he’s going to give up his online porn habit. It seems to me that the kinds of relationships wherein the female partner is passively and hopefully trying to discourage their partner from watching porn are the kinds of relationships porn consumption is accepted and acceptable. In fact, becoming a porn actress yourself seems to encourage the idea that porn consumption is just a natural part of being a man.
Here’s a thing. Men who get laid for free still seek out prostitutes. Men who have sexy wives still watch porn. Men whose wives take pole-dancing classes for funandkicks! still go to strip clubs. No amount of playing the game is going to discourage a man who likes to objectify women from objectifying women. If you want to marry a guy who doesn’t watch porn your best bet would likely be to marry a guy who doesn’t watch porn. In terms of effecting change, the ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ technique has never worked in the history of ever.
To be clear, I’m not saying that all men watch porn and frequent strip clubs and buy sex. I’m also not saying that men can’t or don’t change. But it’s more likely that a man is going to stop objectifying and exploiting women (or never do it at all) because he arrives at some understanding of the the fact that the sex industry exploits and objectifies women and isn’t useful in terms of building an ethical, egalitarian world (other possibilities that may contribute to ending men’s exploitation of women includes creating a system wherein women can survive and thrive in our world without having to resort to selling sex). He’s not going to understand any of those things because you dress up in sexy wedding-themed lingerie (also, ew?) and take photos.
Somehow we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking that emulating porn stars and strippers is something that is fun and sexy (see Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs for more on that postfeminist phenomenon) good time lady fun. So, instead of coming up with things that might actually be fun and sexy and liberating for ourselves as women, we give up and tag along behind the boys. For all of our supposed sexual freedom, we sure are an unimaginative bunch.
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AntiPornography.org – Nonreligious, Pro Free Speech, Pro Healthy Sex & Love
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